The World Isn't Really Perfect
by Clairvoyent Vibrations
Summary: LJ Post OotP & HBP: They always say that your best friends become your worst enemies, but Lily never thought it would happen to her and James, but that's exactly what happened. Chapter 5 Up!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello fellow fan fiction addicts! Thank you for choosing my story, and I hope you all enjoy it. This is a Lily/James, but hopefully it'll be different then others that you've read. I'd do a short description here, but hey what's the fun in that? Enjoy, and if you have comments please let me know. I love feedback, whether positive or negative (not that I'm begging, but I would love to hear what you think, especially as it just starts out. I know where I want it to go, and we all know where it's eventually going to go, but it's always fun to get input).**

For my **Disclaimer**: If you recognize it, it's not mine, but it's probably JK Rowling's or I got inspiration from somewhere. I am putting my own spin on things, however.

**The World Isn't Really Perfect:**

**The Beginning of the End**

_Last Week of School: Hogwarts, 1975 4th Year_

"That's it, James Potter. You just think you're so smart, don't you?"

The common room came to a hush as Lily Evans interrupted the chess game he had been playing with his mates. They should have become used to the arguments between the two this past year, but every one of them was different.

James looked up at her as if he had no idea what she was talking about. "Well, I do think I'll get high marks on my exams." He smirked at her. That smirk that Lily had so often been able to laugh at. Only it wasn't funny now. "How did you do?"

"You know _very_ well how I did." Lily spat out. "I could fail my potions exam. We're preparing for our O.W.L.s!"

He grimaced. "That bad, eh? Probably should have studied."

A few people chortled who were listening and it seemed that Lily finally realized that there were other people around.

"James, maybe we should talk about this outside?"

"Really? I don't see why. I offered to help you study, and you said you had things under control. Obviously, I was wrong." He wouldn't get that stupid smirk off his face.

"Fine. Just add to my embarrassment. I don't give a damn." She was quiet for a minute, and everyone was on edge as they could see something building inside of her. Turning to walk up the stairs to her dormitory she swept around and looked him in the eyes again. He stood there looking completely nonchalant. He was slouching somewhat and had his hands in his pockets with his tie loosened and the top few buttons undone. "You _ruined_ my potion! On purpose no less. _During_ an _exam!_ And you don't even care that because of you, I'll never be a prefect, let alone Head Girl. I may even have to take the class again, James. How sad would that be? A fifth year who is supposedly a whiz, taking fourth year classes? And in front of Slytherins! What is wrong with you?"

"Wrong with _me?_" James asked incredulously. "You're blaming failing Potions on me?"

"Stop acting like you didn't do anything. I saw you do it. _Everyone_ but the professor saw you do it. But of course, you're James Potter, so who would say anything about it?"

Looking at her in what she knew was his innocent look, he said, "I don't like you accusing me like this, Lily. After all, we're friends."

"Friends? Friends!" That was just too much. "We may have been friends for a while James, but you bailed out on me somewhere in the middle of the term."

Some people started to leave, realizing that this was going to be a somewhat personal conversation, but there were those who just wanted to stay to see what really happened. Everyone wanted to be able to talk about it on the train ride home, especially those who could say they had been there when it happened.

Lily continued her rant. "You changed into some egotistical fanatic. Friends? No, we haven't been friends for a while."

James' eyes changed for a moment, going softened, but they hardened so quickly that she wasn't even sure if she'd really seen it. "Oh come on, Lil. You know it was a joke."

"Everything seems to be a joke to you lately." She said in a softly. "But I won't be _your_ joke James. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of…of not being one of you. Not one of the _mauraders_." She looked over at all of them and Remus wouldn't hold her eye, Sirius moved closer to James, and she didn't think Peter had looked up for any of it. Getting even quieter and stated, "And what I'm really sick of, is you."

Lily then turned and walked up to her dorm room. She didn't even hurry. Walked away as if nothing had happened. As if she hadn't just told James Potter that they weren't friends anymore, as if the look on her best friends' faces didn't look shocked and hurt. And they just sat there.

_Train to Hogwarts, September 1st 1975 (Lily's Point of View) 5th Year_

Lily was sitting on the train with a few of her mates from school before heading off to the Prefects compartment. This was supposed to be the start of a great year and she had somehow managed to make a Prefect even though James had bludged her potions grade. The situation had been ramified by James a good score and her failing the exam. Thank heavens she'd done extra work and Slughorn liked her. She would have felt bad about it, but she was trying hard not to think of him at all. He hadn't written her once, not once, since they had argued in June. Everyone else had written, some more than others, but even Sirius and Remus had. Sirius, because he had moved out of his house and into James', and Remus because that's just the way they were. Her friend Jess looked over at her and sighed.

"You're thinking about him again, aren't you?" She asked. Everyone's attention turned to her, but luckily it was only Lily, Jess, and Kristen. The boys hadn't arrived yet.

"No." Lily said, unconvincingly.

"He was busy over the summer, what with Sirus moving in and all the…different…things one does…during the holiday." Kristen added, helpful as usual.

"Did he write you?" Lily asked them.

They were both quiet and then murmured, "Well I got one or two letters…."

"It's not a big deal." She said, trying to convince herself as well. "It's not like we were that close anyway."

"Lil, he was your other half." Jess put in.

Lily glared at her. "Well I obviously wasn't his."

Jess looked hurt, but Lily didn't know what to do. Last year had been torture for her. Ever since coming to Hogwarts, her and James had just fit. It had been just her and James, then he'd become so close to Sirius Black. At first that had been awkward, not because Lily didn't like Sirius, he just didn't like her. She figured it had something to do with being raised in such a "pro pureblood" environment, but then they started to bond as well. Eventually it was the three of them, and then Remus joined, just because. She couldn't really remember a specific reason, it didn't even matter. Remus had just been a part of them. Soon Peter was there as well and they were a group.

Then in second year, Jess and Kristen had joined and it was a blast. It stayed that way for a while, and things were great. Only something changed in the end of their third year. Maybe it was just her, but there were more blatant secrets. Everyone had always kept a few, the girls didn't want Sirius to know they liked him, and James, and almost anyone. And she was sure that the guys had stuff they never told her, even James, although she basically had told him everything. But suddenly it was as if she was in the way more than usual. During the summer, she would get letters from Remus telling her how much fun they were having, and how she had missed out by not coming, but she had never been invited. She just wasn't part of their group anymore, it seemed.

Fourth year started, and Lily had hoped that everything would be better. Seeing each other everyday, taking classes together, all of that. But it only got worse. The summer had been awkward and it was as if James knew she felt that way, but didn't try to fix anything. It just got worse, and soon she was the brunt of jokes as much as the people he hated, like Severus Snape. Everyone would be together, but James would treat her as if she wasn't even there. As if he was purposefully trying to push her away and every time she would try to get close enough to talk to him, he'd have to leave for something more important. It didn't help that other girls had started to notice him. Girls who thought he was great because, well he was. Only they didn't even know him. All they knew was the James who was great at Quidditch, fooled around in classes, and was attractive. He had changed then. Soon it was as if everything was all about him, the great James Potter. She seemed to be the only one in the group who was sickened by it. Yeah, he had changed, or she had changed, but either way it was better that it was over. At least she wasn't going into this year with the same expectations.

Suddenly the compartment door opened and James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter walked in. Lily smiled, but avoided eye contact with James. They had all changed. They seemed taller. Sirius' dark hair was shorter than when he had left school last year, so the summer had obviously been good since he hadn't let it grow past being manageable. He looked good, more at peace with himself, with life. Peter was only a little taller, but he seemed a bit tanned. It looked like a summer in Spain had done him well. All the boys seemed a bit more toned. James probably from quidditch practice, the others from who knew what. As she looked them over, she noticed Remus wearing a prefect badge and jumped up to hug him.

"You git!" She hit him softly on the shoulder. "You didn't tell me you were a Prefect."

He just grinned and rubbed his arm as if she really had hurt him. "I should take points away for that. Abuse of an authority figure."

She looked at him expectantly and he smiled down at her. "I wanted to surprise you. Didn't think I'd end up being abused for it."

"I'm so glad it's you." She hugged him again. "I was worried it would be someone awful to work with, like Barry Norvits or Marl Snife."

"You really should learn to be more tolerant of people, Lily." James said coldly.

She looked over at him and tried to smile, but she couldn't. "Some people just always succeed at proving why I shouldn't have high expectations."

The room was quiet for a while as they both glared at each other, and then Sirius decided it was his turn to break the silence. "So…I've decided it is to my benefit to have two of my best friends as prefects. Less trouble, right Remus."

Remus didn't say anything, but did smile mischievously. Lily rolled her eyes. "And here I thought you'd changed over the summer."

James sat down, right where Lily had been sitting and shrugged. "I don't see how it will be any different. Remus will be with us with whatever we're doing, and it's not like people can catch us if we don't want to be caught."

Lily looked as though she was about to say something, but Remus took her arm and started to pull her out. "We should go to our compartment, there's a meeting soon."

Pulling her arm out of his reach she grabbed her robe and put it on over her muggle clothes. "Fine." Glancing once more at James, she shook her head in disgust and started to walk out. "Let's go."

As soon as they were out Remus was ready for the explosion. "I can't believe him! He can't even be civil for five minutes."

"Come on Lil, You know he isn't that bad"

She glared at him, but didn't say anything. So he started to talk again as they walked down the corridor. "It's not as if you were civil either."

"So this is entirely my fault? It's my fault that we aren't friends and he is horrible to me? That's nice to know. Now I can always say that I'm a friendship ruiner." She was getting louder and moving her arms around. "Stay away Remus, I'll just end up ruining the friendship."

He sighed out of frustration. "Lily, you know that isn't what I meant. James wasn't right either, I'm just saying—"

"Remus, this isn't your fault, and this really isn't something that I want to talk about with you right now."

"Fine. But who are you going to talk about it with, Lily?"

She looked up at him sadly. She didn't know. That was part of the problem. She was about to respond when she accidentally ran into someone, only she was knocked to the floor. Scrambling up she looked over. "I'm so sorry!"

Black eyes flashed at her. "You should watch where you're going Mudblood." Before she could reply he noticed her and Remus' badges. "So you two are the best Gryffindor had? Pathetic." And he went into the corridor, shutting the door behind him.

"It just isn't my day, is it Remus?"

He looked over at her. "I don't get how you can try to be nice to someone like _him,_ but you won't even make an effort with James."

"Remus, Severus Snape can't hurt me. No matter what he says, it doesn't matter. James mattered. He mattered a lot."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and brought her in closer. Lily sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder. This is what she'd been needing all summer, a guy to try to understand, and she hated admitting it to herself. Remus sighed yet again. "You matter to him too."

"Remus," She stiffened slightly and pulled away, looking up at him with hardened but sad eyes. "I know you have to defend him, because he's your friend. But don't. Please…just…don't."

And she entered the compartment.

_Hogwarts, Two Weeks Later_

School had started and things were going relatively well. The only downside to things was that Lily had to see James everyday. It seemed their friendship was beyond reparable. She could get along with Sirius (it was hard not to forgive him), Remus, and Peter, but she just couldn't look at James and not feel hurt and disgusted. What had happened? He had changed, beyond recognition. And she couldn't get away from him. Not only was he in all of her classes, but her group of friends. That was the hardest, everyone felt they had to pick sides, but no one acted like they had. Lily knew that Remus would be in the middle, pretending that everyone was right. Sirius would defend James to the death, even if he was wrong and Sirius knew it. Peter would follow James because they were closer. The girls she wasn't ever sure on. They didn't seem to understand how betrayed she felt. Sure, they thought James had said and done some hurtful things, but they also thought Lily was being silly in not forgiving him. And maybe she was. So really, the only person she felt was really there for her was Remus, and even he wasn't.

It was their first night on patrols and it was weird. They'd been friends for years, but had never actually done anything one on one. Plus Lily was sure he felt that James would take this as consorting with the enemy, even though it was required by the school.

"So," Lily said, deciding that she was not going to spend the evening in an awkward silence, "I know you wrote me a little bit about your summer, but how was it?"

He paused for a moment, and Lily realized it was because he wasn't sure how much he could say. That hurt too, she wasn't included anymore. "It was good. Visited friends, just the norm, basically. You?"

Friends meaning the Marauders. She knew it was stupid, but she was still jealous they hadn't included her in that…but she shrugged it off. No more focusing on the past. "It was great. As you know I was pretty much with my family the whole time, but that was good. Petunia and I needed the time."

"How is that going? I know you were feeling like you two weren't as close."

She didn't know how honest she could be. How do you tell your friend who didn't mean to hurt you, that he did? That he and all of your friends abandoned you, just at the time in your life when you could have used them most. "Well, it's safe to say we aren't going to be best friends. She's actually getting married. During the school year, she doesn't think it's safe for him to know what I am until they're actually married." She tried to laugh, but it came out harsher than she expected. "When it's too late for him to escape."

"It's hard to have the people you care about not accept you for what you are, instead of who." Remus stated, somewhat bitterly.

Lily looked over at him as they walked down more stairs, deeper into the school. "Remus, anyone who truly knows you, couldn't judge you."

"Lily, let's just change—"

Before he could finish what he was saying Lily stopped and turned towards him. "Look, I've known this for a while but I haven't said anything because it wasn't important. Because it doesn't change anything for me. But maybe it will for you, so I figure I should just tell you. I know."

His eyes got big. "Know…what exactly?"

"That, you'll just have to guess." She grinned and started walking again.

Remus grabbed her hand and forced her to turn around. "Know what, Lily?"

"What a great friend and person you are." She grinned again, tapped him on the shoulder, and started to walk away.

He walked faster to catch up with her. "Lily, this isn't funny. I need to know." She kept quiet and just grinned. "You're going to make me go crazy."

"Of course I am. I try very hard to drive every man I know nuts so that he goes berserk and leaves me. It's one of my emotional complexes so that I don't have to wonder what's wrong with me. I already know."

"Ha ha. Seriously. Tell me." His eyes were pleading with her, and if he hadn't looked so…pathetic..she probably would have held out longer.

"I've known since third year, suspected for longer."

"How? Did James tell you?" Only Remus wouldn't look upset by that statement.

Lily laughed softly. "James tell me something secretive about the Marauders? Never." He looked confused. "I'm not an idiot. I read, and study." She shrugged, "You showed the signs. And with my cursed curiosity I had to find out."

"I'm sorry." His head was down and he wouldn't look her in the eyes. "I'm sorry that I'm not who you think I am, or who you want me to be."

Grabbing his chin she forced him to look at her. "Remus, you are exactly the same person I've always thought you were. Don't ever let anything make you think differently."

He shuffled his feet, trying his best not to keep direct eye contact, but then looked at her. "Thanks. That means a lot to me."

Trying to keep things light, she smiled and pushed him a little. "Yeah well, I guess you should know that I'm taking an extra astronomy class, meets evenings, especially on full moons. So we shouldn't have to worry about patrols."

He grinned mischievously and pushed her back. "You just want extra kissing time. This excuse won't get past me. You just want everyone to think you're an astronomy whiz so you can monopolize the tower for yourself."

Last year she probably would have been disgusted, but the summer had changed her too. She moved closer to him and batted her lashes. "Is that an offer?"

He stepped back, looking shocked and somewhat awkward making Lily burst out laughing. "Note to self, don't tease Remus about kissing."

Remus looked over at Lily, who was walking straight forward pretending that they hadn't just had one of the more serious conversations of his life.

_After the patrol, Boys Dorms_

It was after midnight and Remus was going back into his dorm, hoping that the boys would all be asleep, but knowing that they wouldn't be. He walked through the common room, trying to be quiet. You could hear people moving around in their dorms, but it was only the fifth year's dorm that he was worried about. He didn't realize that this was the first time since coming to Hogwarts the first day. Why didn't he want to face them? Only one reason came to mind. James.

As soon as the door opened his three mates all toasted him with their cups of butterbeer. "A bit later than usual." Sirius said. "Hope you don't mind, but we started out without you."

He smiled, some of his nerves fading. "And what is it we're celebrating tonight?"

"Friendship!' He shouted. A few of the other boys who were trying to get to sleep, but failing, threw pillows at him."

"You won't be alive to have friends if you don't shut up." One of them muttered.

The marauders laughed and hushed down a bit. "To friendship then." Remus added to Sirius' previous statement.

James looked over at him. "Anything interesting happen on patrols?"

He shrugged, "It's a patrol around Hogwarts. How interesting could it be?"

Sirius and Peter laughed. But James was still looking at him. How could Sirius not realize how much the loss of Lily's friendship was affecting him? Since he was sitting closer to James he figured he could be more honest.

"She's fine, mate."

"Are you su—Who?" James stuttered slightly as he tried to make up for his slip.

Remus chuckled. "No one. But I am sure that if I was talking about someone, that person would be fine."

"Still mad?"

"Oh, that's a given."

James smiled ruefully. "Yeah I couldn't really expect anything differently."

At this point Sirius realized that he wasn't in a conversation. "What are you too blabbering on about?"

"Quidditch." James answered quickly. "Remus here was thinking of trying out for the new team."

"Ahhh," Sirius grinned. "Trying to get an in with the captain, eh?"

Remus just shook his head and smiled up at his friends. "You know me."

_A few days later—Transfiguration_

James was trying to focus on the lesson…well…as much as he ever did. But it was difficult. He'd already studied up on this last year while trying to become an animagus. They just had a little bit more tinkering to do and then they'd have it. Not only was that on his mind, but Lily Evans was sitting two rows in front of him.

'_I just want her to notice me again.'_ He wasn't sure where that thought had come from, but it was true. He grinned mischievously and took out his wand. Sirius looked down at the movement and where it was pointed. Then he grinned too.

Each student had been handed an animal opposite to their partners. Sirius had a hedgehog and James had a fish that had been charmed to breathe in air. The point of the assignment was to transfigure your animal, into that of your neighbors. While everyone was practicing James winked over at Sirius. "Ready?"

He whispered the spell, but his wand was still pointed at Lily, as well as Sirius' now. Jess suddenly stopped and just looked at Lily with her mouth open.

"What?" Lily asked.

James could only see the back of her head, but her hair had been replaced by the soft quills of Sirius' hedgehog. The rest of the class had started to notice and a few of the Hufflepuff's started to giggle.

"What?" She asked again.

"Uh…Lily. I think we should go to the hospital wing."

"I feel fine Jess."

Kristen got out a mirror "Now, when I show you this I want you to be ration, calm, and to breath."

Lily shrieked.

"I love that sound." Sirius said as he leaned back in his chair, satisfied.

James waited for her to turn around, for when her eyes would meet his for the first time in weeks. A few seconds later she did, and he tried not to laugh. Her face had taken the coloring and a few scales from his fish.

"At least it was a rainbow trout." He muttered to Sirius, and they both burst out laughing.

She glared at him and he smiled while shrugging his shoulders innocently.

Then there were hands on his shoulder. "You two." McGonagal glared as well. "Come with me."

"Our wands must have slipped, Professor." Sirius started to say, but his excuses were drowned out as he and James were pulled out by their ears.

James rubbed his softly, but was still smiling. She had looked at him.

_That evening_

"Maybe he just—"

"Remus you always stand up for him!" Lily ranted as she paced the unused classroom while Remus was sitting in one of the old desks.

"Lily. I know James. You know James. He may have done this on purpose, but I'm sure he didn't do it just to rile you up."

"Ha! He did to. You should have seen the smirk he gave me."

"Ok, but really Lily. Can't you both just get over whatever is between you and—"

"And what? Forgive and forget. That isn't going to happen, Remus."

"Why not?"

She turned and could see the strain this was putting on him, but she couldn't change how she felt despite it. "Because James isn't who he used to be. We've changed! He used to be…well, more like you."

Remus laughed at the absurdity. "Lily, first off, James has never been like me. Plus I'm sure that James has a reason for acting the way he has been lately."

"Because he has a stick up his ass?"

"Lily Evans." Remus said, trying to get her to see reason.

"Remus. You're the only person who pretends to understand. Please, just try to understand."

He sighed, running his hand through his hair. "I do. I really do. I just want you to try to understand him as well."

She shook her head. "I tried that. I spent all last year trying that. And I was miserable. At least this way I'm moving up and not down. I'm not going to go through that hell again."

"You're amazing. You know that?"

"Oh yes." She laughed at the sarcasm. "The amazing Lily Evans. I could have my own tent at a circus."

"You know what I mean, Lil."

She looked over at him sideways. "I think you're insane. But thank you."

They were in silence for a moment, and then Lily sat down next to him. "Thank you for

sitting with me. For being a friend. I've missed this."

Remus put his arm around her shoulder. "I know."

_Two and a half months into Hogwarts_

James ran into the common room, searching madly for his friends. They weren't there so he ran to the dorm room. A few minutes later he was back down again.

"Has anyone seen Sirius, Remus, or Peter?"

Everyone in the common room just shook their heads. "Jess or Nicole?"

Once again they didn't know.

James didn't want to ask, but he did. "Lily?"

Most people shrugged, a few said he could try the library, or the grounds. All very helpful answers.

Where were they all? Just when he had possibly the most exciting news of their lives, they were nowhere to be found. They really needed a system for this or something. He needed to speak the boys, but they could be anywhere. He decided his best bet would be to check the kitchens.

Rushing to the main floor and then down the stairs to the kitchens, he lightly tickled the pear. A nice trick him and Sirius had picked up their second year. There sitting jauntily on a stool stuffing his face with chocolate was Peter. He looked a little ashamed to have been caught but then saw that it was only James.

"You look awful." Peter said. "What happened to you?"

James looked down and saw that bits of the potion he had been working on had eaten away or discolored parts of his clothes. He laughed and looked back up. "I do look a right mess, don't I?"

Peter wasn't quite sure why it was funny, but laughed a lot.

"We need to find Sirius. And Remus if possible."

"Why?" Peter asked, putting more food into his mouth.

James eyes started to gleam. "I've got it."

"Got what?" He stumbled off his chair and moved back a few steps. "If you're sick you should go see Madame Pince."

"I'm fine, Peter." He moved closer, grinning like a maniac. "The spell, the potion. I've got it."

Realization hit Peter's eyes and he started to grin slowly. "You got it?"

"Yes! It's finished. We should be able to do it tonight." He scowled for a moment. "If we can find Sirius that is."

Both boys looked at each, Peter dropped his chocolate, and they ran to search Hogwarts.

_Dungeons_

Sirius walked away slowly, trying to keep to the shadows. He needed to get an idea of their schedule before anything could happen. He didn't need to know how their minds worked; he was already well established with that. People came and went for about ten minutes before he heard someone speak from down the hall.

"Decided to become a Slytherin after all?"

Sirius turned and glared at him. "Snivellus. Fancy meeting you here."

"Too bored with your own friends you had to plague us with your presence?"

"Just working on a little project." Sirius grinned. "You know, keeping my enemies closer then my friends."

Severus made a sound of disgust. "You shame us all."

Sirius' grin just got bigger and his eyes shone in the darkness. "Really? I've finally made my goal then."

"You've forgotten who you are."

"I've forgotten who I am? Look at you, Mr. Pretending to be a pure blood."

"I'm twice the wizard you are." Severus was glaring at him, and his body had stiffened.

Sirius laughed bitterly. "That may be true, but I'm three times the man you'll ever be."

"Have you forgotten everything you ever were?"

Sirius looked down at him with disgust. "I was never like you."

"You've already turned your back on your friends. What's next?"

"I was thinking about going to the kitchens now and getting an early lunch."

"You're ridiculous. How can you keep pretending that nothing is going on? You could still save yourself. The Dark Lord knows where your families loyalties lie."

"I have saved myself." And he walked away.

_The Sixth Floor_

Remus was walking around, trying to figure out what he was doing. It was a full moon in a week and his emotions were already starting to be unsettled. He hated the transformation, what it did to him. If it wasn't for James he didn't know what he would do. He didn't deserve it, but he didn't have the strength to push the away. He didn't have the strength to push anyone away. James couldn't know. After everything that he had done for him over the years, he was repaying him by liking the one person James had ever had sincere feelings for. What a great friend.

He turned at the pounding of feet behind him. James and Peter were running, and seemed completely out of breath. "What? Is something wrong?"

James just grinned. "We did it."

Remus looked at him, not wanting to hope. "It? You did it?"

He nodded his head, his grin getting wider.

"It meaning what I think it's meaning?"

"Well, if your it means the same as my it then you're a bit faster then our friend Peter here."

"It's done?"

Now James was laughing. "Do you honestly lack my abilities that much?"

"No. No! I didn't mean it like that, it's just—" Remus ran a hand through is hair turning the other direction. "I just can't believe it. After all this time." He then turned around really quickly. "Are you sure it'll work. I don't want you doing it if it's going to go wrong."

"You worry too much." He grinned again. "Let's to find Sirius. We could do it tonight!"

They ran off together, Peter and James trying to think of a place Sirius would be while Remus was trying not to worry about his friends not worrying enough.

_Back at the Kitchens_

After searching most of their normal spots in Hogwarts and still unable to find Sirius, James was getting frustrated. This was the biggest day of his life! He could be an animagus by now if they'd only been able to find that stupid git. They all walked into the kitchens looking a bit disappointed, when Sirius bobbed his head up from a table.

"Oh it's just you. You never know who's going to come in here when it's a Saturday and I really didn't want it to be the Slug. I've been on his bad list ever since…well…I can't think of a time I haven't been."

James walked up to him and hit him on the shoulder. "Where have you been? Didn't you think to tell anyone where you were? I've been looking all over the entire castle for you!"

He rubbed his arm and looked at James like he was crazy. "What's wrong with you, mate? You sound like your mum."

"Like my mom would ever care if I was missing." He then got excited about the news again. "I've finally done it."

Sirius' mouth opened in shock. "I didn't think you were even dating anyone. With who?"

"Not that you git!" He hit him again. "I've finished the you-know-what in the you-know-where."

Now Sirius' mouth opened even wider. "Are you serious, mate? You mean, tonight? We can do it tonight and be ready for next week?"

James sat down and took a bite out of a chocolate stick. "Yeah. Tonight's the night."

_The Girls Dorm_

Lily sat on her bed, books sprawled around her.

Kristen looked up from book that she was reading and chuckled. "Lil, you've been up here all day with those books. Exams aren't for another two weeks."

"Do you not realize how important this year is? We take our OWLS, which set us up for our entire careers! Our lives Kristen."

Jess looked up, suddenly paniced. "Your right….I…I'm not prepared for this. I'm going to fail and have to take classes that no one cares about. Classes that you can't specialize in. I'll be stuck in something like Divination, where as long as you fake it well you pass. I don't want to pretend to be a Seer my whole life!"

Kristen looked at them like they were both insane. "OWLS aren't until the end of year. This test is just a review of things that we've learned so far, just like it has been every other year before Christmas holidays."

"Are you sure?" Jess mumbled through the pillow she had put over her head.

"Yes. It's not a big deal. I mean, it's a test and that's always somewhat important. But come on. You are both ready for these tests."

Lily hadn't paid attention to anything. "Professor Slughorn said that he would help me with potions and anything else that I needed, but it'd have to be with Severus Snape." The girls all groaned at that, Kristen especially.

"Lily. We're fifteen years old, almost sixteen. You already only have free time on the weekends, and barely at that. We hardly see you as it is."

"Just because I'm realizing that we all have responsibilities—"

"Have fun! You used to always have fun. Now you go to class, do homework, and then you're always off doing prefect work with Remus Lupin." Lily was about to say something, but Kristen put her hand up. "Nothing is wrong with that. But you've missed out."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Just because I take things seriously and don't want to pretend to be a seer the rest of my life," she said winking at Jess while throwing a pillow, "does not mean that I am not fun. I am…I do exciting things all the time…"

Kristen folded her arms and looked at her again. "I'm sure. Oh what was it you were excited about yesterday…let try to remember..." She looked over at Jess. "Do you remember what our dear exciting friend over here was so excited about yesterday?"

Looking confused Jess looked over at Lily, "No…"

"My point exactly. Face it Lily. James Potter was the only reason you were fun, and now that he's not a part of your life you're just as boring as Petunia."

Jess gasped and Lily looked as if someone had slapped her. Kristen's eyes opened wider and she realized what she said and she put her hands to her mouth. "Oh my stars! I'm so sorry Lily. I didn't mean it. Honest I didn't."

Lily sat there in silence with that stricken look on her face, staring where Kristen had been. Was it true? Had she really only been fun because James forced her too? Her life had become routine.

"You're right Kristen." But she suddenly got a very determined look in her eyes. "But that is going to change."

_Room of Requirement_

James stood over the simmering cauldron. "Are you guys ready for this?"

Sirius and Peter nodded excitedly but Remus looked somewhat sick.

"You don't have to do this. It's great that you would, I know that you would, but you don't have to."

Sirius looked at him like he's just gotten hit by a curse and had worms coming out of his nose. "Are you serious, mate? This is the coolest thing we've ever done! We are becoming illegal animagi. I'm just sorry that you can't join us."

"Transforming once is enough for me, thanks." Remus said, smirking back at him.

James was just getting more frustrated. "Come on, I've been finished for nearly 4 hours and I'm not going to wait any longer."

Pulling out the ladle he put in the right amount in each of the three glasses. It was thick and bubbling, but the color was amazing. Out of the two years it had gone from every disgusting color the boys had imagined, but it was now the clearest thing they had ever seen.

"Must have been the unicorn hair." Sirius said, trying to lighten the mood. "Maybe we should have Peter take it first. Just to make sure it's ok."

Peter glared at him, but stiffened his shoulders. "If you're too scared to take it." And drunk the whole glass in one swallow. He stood there for a few moments, nothing happening, then suddenly he started to shudder a bit.

"Uhh..I don't think this looks too good." Remus said quietly, wanting to look away but unable to look away.

He's stopped shuddering and had started to shrink. His skin was getting more brown by the second, and Sirius stepped back. "You did something wrong James. He's rotting!"

James was looking very closely, his mouth changing from disgust to the smirk that everyone knew so well. "Not rotting. Changing. It's fur…he's…"

Remus finished the sentence because he was closest to Peter. "A rat."

Sirius burst out laughing. "A rat? Never would have thought that one. Lets see what I become."

Him and James looked at each other and both drunk their potion at the same time. Remus just watched as they each shuddered for a bit and fell down on their hands and knees. Sirius' hard started to cover his entire body and James' head started to sprout branches, he was also turning white and fuzzy. After watching hands turn into paws, hooves, getting tails, and everything else, Remus was amazed at what stood before him. Peter: the rat, Sirius: some sort of dog, and James: a stag. He couldn't have imagined it any other way.

James started running into Sirius with his antlers and Sirius started to pounce. Peter just tried to get out of the way and transformed back into his normal self.

"Oy! Be careful. You could have squashed me."

Remus was just laughing and the two other boys transformed back into themselves. James look rather pleased with himself.

"Well, I think that turned out rather well."

Sirius was laying on the floor, laughing. "That was the most amazing experience of my life."

"Better than kissing Jennifer Prewitt?" James asked mischievously.

Remus hit him in the shoulder and laughed. "Any experience is better than kissing Jennifer Prewitt."

Sirius laughed as well as they all looked over at Peter who was glaring at them. "It was third year. I think we should just forget about it already."

James almost had tears coming out of his eyes he was laughing so hard. "But…she was the…most amazing…ex…experience…" He couldn't even finish his sentence.

Suddenly Peter wasn't there any longer and James started wiggling around and he felt something shoot up the leg of his trousers and a sharp pain above his ankle. He flicked his leg and stood on the tail of a squirming rat and then Peter, who was laughing hysterically.

Sirius and Remus were still laughing, but James had stopped and was rubbing his leg.

"Merlin, I feel violated."

The three boys just burst out laughing even harder. Sirius still on his back, holding his stomach. Peter also on the floor, curled almost into a ball. Remus with one hand against the wall to hold himself up.

"And it wasn't funny. You try enjoying the experience of tiny claws and some worm like tail going up your pants."

The laughter just kept on going and Sirius tried to say something but nothing could come out. James tried to hold it in a bit longer but he couldn't. He started to laugh as well and kicked lightly at Peter. It seemed as if nothing in life could go wrong. They were anamagi.

**Ok, so I think that's it for now. Let me know what you think (aka review please!) Now to clear up a few questions that might be had: Sorry if people thought that I've included Lily and her friends into the Marauders. They're just friends, not part of that group. Does that make sense? And yes, Remus does like Lily. But don't freak out! I promise that no matter what happens between those two, Lily and James will get together! Promise! Also, I'm sure people think it's weird that I had Sirius and Severus as friends pre-Hogwarts—but in my mind it works. Their families would have been in the same circle. Plus old friends make the best enemies. If you don't like it, that's alright, but this is the fun of fan fiction (for me at least…buahaha!  Thanks for reading and to those who review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to those that have read so far! I'm hoping you're enjoying it. I really appreciate the reviews as well.  This chapter is coming out pretty quickly after the first one, but I can't guarantee that it will be as long or that ones after this will be as fast. I'm hoping to have it finished by the end of the year, but we'll see if that really happens. So here you have it! The next installment.**

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling. I never have been and I never will be. If you recognize something, then it's hers. If not, it's mine. A few of the characters are my own and a lot of the characters are my interpretation of J.K. Rowling. So don't sue me. Thanks!**

**The World Isn't Really Perfect**

**Just Friends, Just Enemies**

_12:01 am, Boys 5th Year Dorm_

Lily hushed Kristen as they snuck into the boy's dorm. She was hoping that everyone would be asleep or still down in the common room. Jess had been forced to go downstairs and distract while Kristen and Lily did the dirty work. They were better at Charms anyway.

It was shocking how messy the boy's dorms were. Nothing was put away, clothes were everywhere. Trunks were overflowing and books were stuffed mostly under the bed and already started to gather dust.

"Remind me to thank my parents for not having a boy." Lily whispered softly to Kristen who tried not to laugh in response.

"Whose is whose?" Kristen asked, looking around. It seemed as if everyone's clothes weren't in one area, but that there had been an explosion and just had to hope you were lucky.

Lily shrugged and started to grin while trying to look innocent. "I guess we'll just have to do everyone's. It is more fair that way."

Kristen nodded and pulled out her wand. Lily pulled hers out as well and stared to do the appropriate charms. By the time they were finished the regular Gryffindor colors had changed to the green and silver of Slytherin. After adding a few layers of protective charms to make it more difficult to undo, the girls went down to the common room to get Jess.

They found her talking to one of the other fifth year boys who was trying to help Jess do her homework.

"It's simple. We learned this second year. You move your wand to the left, say the words, and it's done." He looked at her like she was an idiot. "It should not take fifty-two times."

Jess looked up and saw Kristen and Lily sitting over by the fire. She wrinkled her brow at the paper and then opened them with the look of sudden enlightenment. "Oh! You mean like this?"

She did the spell perfectly.

"Yes! Now can I please go to bed?" He yawned.

Smiling at him thankfully and sliding her hand down his shoulder she looked at him coyly. "Of course, Mark. Thank you so much for your help. I don't know what I would have done without you."

Mark blushed slightly and shook his head with a small smile. "Well, you know, anytime you need me."

"My hero." And Jess gave him a small hug. "Sleep well!" Then hopped up to go over with Lily and Kristen.

"My hero" They teased her as soon as she sat down, while batting their eyelashes.

"Oh shut up." Jess grumbled. "Please tell me you did it."

Lily just grinned. "And you said I wasn't any fun."

Laughing Kristen said "The best part is they'll never suspect us. One, we're they're best friends who they think are fairly incompetent and wouldn't dare. Two, we're too prudish to go into the boys dorm." Lily laughed at that one.

"No one who knows you well would call you a prude."

Kristen glared at her but decided it wasn't worth a response. "And three, we can act innocent better than anyone else I know."

"True." Jess sighed. "So true."

"Can we help that we're perfectly behaved?" Lily said, a slight pout on her lips.

The girls bust out laughing and the common door swung open. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter walked in laughing and talking but stopped quickly when they realized there were other people there. Their eyes opened even wider when they saw who it was.

"Do you realize how late it is?" James asked. "What are you doing out of bed?"

Lily stood up, her eyes hardening instantly. "And what are you doing up, James?"

"None of your business, Lily." They both had said the others name in a baiting tone and started stepping away from the friends on opposite sides.

Jess tried to grab Lily's arm to pull her back or as a warning that this wasn't a good idea, but Lily just shrugged her off. "Oh, that's right. I almost forgot. James Potter only tells people what he wants to tell them, when he wants to tell them. Regardless of what is common courtesy."

James laughed shortly. "Is that supposed to be an insult? You really need to work on that. Maybe you just need to learn that some things don't concern you and you have no right to butt your nose in where it doesn't belong."

Tension started to build in the room and Kristen tried to pull at Lily. "Come on. It's late. You don't want to do this right now."

"No." Lily said sharply. "I am sick of acting like I was the person who was wrong. Like it's my fault James is a heartless prick. I'm not going to hold back anymore and I'm going to say exactly what I want to."

James looked at her, his eyes darkening from their hazel to an almost steel grey. She'd never really seen him like that. "Go ahead." He said dangerously. "Say whatever it is you feel you need to."

Her eyebrows furrowed and she took a deep breathe. She put her head down as if in defeat and then put it up again looking straight into his eyes. "Fine. I will. You're a jerk. You're conceited and big headed and whatever you may think, the world does not revolve around you. I don't care what other people seem to think about you, but you treat people like they're rubbish. You don't just discard people for no reason. And you don't just treat people anyway you want to because you seem to think you can." Her voice had gotten louder as she spoke and she was eventually yelling.

"So this is what it's always going to be about, isn't it?" He didn't even sound upset. He sounded like he thought it was funny. "You feel like I discarded you. Well guess what? That's life. People do that. Other things happen, people change. I'm not sorry for anything that's happened. I stopped treating you like my little pet. I stopped feeling sorry for you and feeling like I had to be there because you had no one else. I grew up. You didn't. Stop living in the past and move on with your life."

Lily stood there, torn between wanting to burst into tears and punching him as hard as she could in his face. Finally she just shook her head and looked up at him. "I can't believe that I never saw you for what you truly were. A coward and a fake." And she walked off.

"I'm a coward?" James yelled at her retreating back. "You're the one who always walks away."

Lily continued walking, but Jess glared at him. "You walked away first." And chased after Lily.

Kristen looked at him, and just shook her head and continued up the stairs.

James looked at Sirius, Remus, and Peter. They all looked like they were in shock, but Remus was the only one who looked slightly angry.

"What was that about?" He asked gruffly.

"I don't want to talk about it." James said, glaring back at him.

"James, are you alright?" Sirius asked, looking at him oddly.

"How many times do I have to say I don't want to talk about it? I had a ruddy rat run up my leg and then a psycho yell at me for no reason. But this is the best night of my life and I am not about to let some…I'm not going to let _her_ ruin it."

They all just shrugged, trying to pretend like it hadn't happened and make jokes about what had happened earlier.

"I think your bloody antler has bruised me" Sirius said, rubbing his side slightly.

"It's not an antler. Technically it's…" He looked over to Remus for a better word.

"Branch? Prong? Hanger?"

"Prong. I like prong." He looked at Sirius smugly. "I have prongs."

Sirius laughed and nodded his head over to Peter. "Better than ol' worm tail over there."

James' eyes began to light up. "You've just given me a fantastic idea, mate."

Remus looked nervous. "What?"

Putting his arm around Peter he shook him slight. "This here is my good friend, Wormtail."

Peter looked up at him. "Wormtail? I have to be wormtail? What're you, short tail?"

People chuckled slightly. "I'm guessing James there wants to be Prongs?" Sirius asked.

"Surely." James responded, tipping his head forward.

"That leaves me with?" Sirius asked.

"Nothing. I'd call you Shaggy but that just wouldn't be appropriate."

The boys started to laugh as they walked up the stairs to their dorm. "Might as well call him Randy." Remus added, making them laugh even harder.

"Alright, alright. So we don't know about Sirius yet, but we'll think about it. How do you feel about Moony, Remus?"

Remus looked over at him and thought for a moment. Did he really want a nickname that would remind him of something he hated so much? But it was better than nothing. "Yeah. Moony's good."

They stood before the door to their room, arms around each others shoulders, grinning. "The new improved Mauraders. Moony, Wormtail, Shaggy, and Prongs."

They entered the area and their laughing came to a quick hault. The boys who normally would have been asleep where all awake and glaring.

"If I wanted to live like this I'd be in the dungeon." Mark grumbled.

Sirius just glared as he looked around the room. "I don't know how he did it, but I am going to kill Snape."

The boys in the room just nodded in agreement.

_Next Day, November 20th 1975_

Every fifth year boy in Gryffindor was furious that morning for breakfast in the great hall. They looked as though they were ready to kill anyone they saw, but more pointedly Slytherins. The mauraders seemed to be in conference as they thought of ways to get back.

Lily sat a few seats down and was playing with her food. She looked as though she hadn't gotten much sleep, but was savoring the fact that the boys were still upset over the little prank they had pulled.

"If I ever have to sleep in green sheets again…" Remus mumbled, running a hand through his dirty blonde hair. It seemed to be a new nervous habit he was picking up whenever he was uncomfortable.

"I couldn't even pull them off." Peter added, rubbing at his eyes. "It seemed that ever charm I tried just made them brighter. It was awful."

"Don't worry about that. After spending all night working on it I cracked it." Then he grinned. "Nothing's too hard for James. H. Potter."

Lily heard the last part of his sentence and looked as if she was going to throttle him again.

"Lily, don't. Remember we talked about it last night. You just need to breathe. In and out, in and out." Jess said, rubbing her arm.

"I'm not bloody pregnant!" She shouted.

The whole table got quiet and looked over at her. Some with eyes of shock, some curious, some trying not to laugh. Her eyes locked with James' and his mouth moved into a slow smile, his eyes lighting up. This is what he needed this morning. A better way to start his day.

"I didn't realize you were trying, Evans."

Lily glared at him. It wasn't as if they'd never called each other by their last names before, just never with that tone. Never sounding so impersonal. But if he was going to move on that quickly and forgot anything that had ever happened before then she'd be damned if she was the one being left behind.

"Of course, Potter." She grinned sweetly. "Why would you assume anything more than me being a two penny whore?"

People stopped eating their lunch and started moving further away from the couple. It seemed as if their arguments were getting more and more frequent and more and more personal.

James shrugged, "Well, if that's all you think you're worth."

Remus glared and elbowed him slightly in the stomach. "Come on mate. Not here."

"I'm not the one who started it." James raised his arms innocently. "I didn't shout out my business while eating breakfast. If she's the one who wants to tell all of Hogwarts her private business then I'm allowed to comment."

He then looked over at Lily who was steaming. This was power, he decided, and much better than being ignored. She was staring at him, clenching and unclenching her fists.

"If you want to have a go sometime, I've heard you have extra astronomy classes. I can meet you up there afterwards." He walked closer and stood about a foot way. The closest he'd really been in months. He'd forgotten the way she smelled. If she did anything less then hit him he'd be surprised, but her eyes were shinning and her cheeks were turning a soft pink. She really did look beautiful when she was upset.

Lily wanted to hit him. It was the umpteenth times in weeks that she'd wanted to slowly put her hands around his throat and tighten them. He was looking at her with some sort of satisfaction. He didn't even feel sorry. She turned her head and continued to look at him for a few moments. Who was this person? She shook her head and looked at him sadly. "You know what," she stated softly. "You aren't worth it." And again she walked away. She really had been doing that a lot lately.

Remus grabbed his books as well as hers and glared at him. "You're making a right arse or yourself." And chased after her.

James sat back down on the bench and put his head in both of his hands. What was he doing? He hadn't even been thinking, it had just come out like some monster had taken over his body. He'd been everything today she'd said he was. He started to get angry again. Who was she to judge him? She didn't know anything, and if that's who she thought he was then that was damn well who was going to be

"Lily, wait up." Remus shouted, running down the hall half running into people and trying to push them out of the way.

She slowed down slightly but was still walking. "What do you want, Remus?"

He pulled her into one of the unused classrooms that they were nearby. She continued pacing; she just had too much energy to stop.

"Look, I'm sorry. He was a git and was daft."

Lily looked at him as though he was crazy. "You're sorry? You didn't do anything. It was…it was _him_."

Remus walked up to her and held both of her arms to get her to stop moving. "Lily. I'm sorry that you're upset."

Looking up she rolled her eyes. "He just infuriates me! He's the most unloyal, cowardly, spineless, arrogant, bigheaded, idiotic—"

Cutting her off, Remus put his hand over her mouth. "I know that you're frustrated, and I know that he treats you like shite. And don't think that doesn't make all of us upset. I don't know why he does it, and he may seem like those things. But he's not, Lily. He's the best friend I've ever had."

She put her head down and bit her lip. "I'm sorry I make this so hard for you. I should find new friends. Go be with the ravenclaws and study, since apparently that's all I'm good for."

He pulled her in and put his arms around her, hugging her softly, his arms rubbing her back and his head resting on hers. After a few moments she softened and rested her head on his shoulder, her arms going around his waist. She tried to hold it in but a few tears escaped and she had to snuffle.

"It's going to be ok." Remus said softly into her hair. "Somehow it's going to all be ok."

Lily didn't want to look at him, didn't want him to see her like this. She sighed and pulled in closer. "Why does that prat have to be your friend?"

He chuckled and pulled away slightly. "He shows it differently, but this is just as hard on him. Maybe if you tried talking to him—"

Pulling away all the way she started pacing again and Remus sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Ok, talking obviously isn't going to work."

"It's time for class. I'll talk to you later. Thanks for getting my books." She grabbed her stuff and walked out.

Remus sat on one of the desks and groaned. What kind of best friend was he?

_History of Magic: Later that afternoon_

In her quest to ignore James, Lily almost paid attention in class. But her mind kept switching back to the blow out that morning and then to Remus. She'd felt something as he was holding her. Something she was pretty sure she didn't want to. Her stomach tightened as she thought about him again and her cheeks started to go a light shade of pink. She sighed and then started to get frustrated with herself.

_Why is it that every guy who pays attention to you, you seem to start to like? It's ridiculous. It was just a hug. He knew you were upset, he hugged you. It didn't mean anything._

She sighed again and Jess looked over at her, obviously concerned because of what had happened. Lily just looked at her and shrugged. She wasn't sure what was wrong. Well, besides the fact that it was the end of November and they would be having midterms soon to help prepare them for their OWLs, Potter was a prat, Sirius was annoying the hell out of her because he was completely on the prat's side, and Remus didn't like her.

Remus looked up at her and smiled slowly. Lily's stomach tightened again. He nodded his head and mouthed 'Are you doing alright'.

Lily tried to look nonchalant and shrugged again.

Sirius seemed to notice Remus and part of the exchange, which made James look around and see it too. Instantly the smile left his face and his eyes hardened.

Lily tried as hard as she could not to look over, but Remus had lost eye contact and she didn't have anything else to look into. James' eyes were cold and aloof, his back and shoulders stiff. So he was upset too. That made Lily bristle a bit. What reason did he have for being upset? She glared at him, not wanting to be the first person to look away. Not wanting to appear weak.

A girl sitting next to him, from the back of her head it looked to be Chels Bennet who was a fellow member of Gryffindor. She slowly put her arm around James shoulder, her finger trailing across his upper back. James turned quickly and looked over at her. Chels leaned over and whispered something in his ear, and he laughed softly. Lily's stomach clenched at that as well and she felt her blood boil as well. She used to be the girl who made him laugh. Chels didn't stop there. Her hand trailed up his neck and she ran her hands through his hair. She said something again, with a stupid smile on her face. Lily thought it was sickening. Looking down at them, with what she hoped looked like disgust and not jealousy; she went back to writing her notes.

_Well that's obvious then. If your stomach clenches about James then you must not have feelings towards Remus._

…_Unless you have feelings toward James as well_. A second voice added in her head. Lily didn't really appreciate that one.

_That's impossible._

…_You did before_

_Yeah, but that was a long time ago. I've grown up. Feelings have changed._

…_His or yours?_

_Oh shut up._

…_You just don't want to admit I'm right._

_I told you to shut up. I'm telling myself to shut up. I'm going crazy! What have boys reduced me to?_

She tried not to think at all, waiting until class ended. Looking forward to studying more than she had her entire life. Anything to get anyway from confusing thoughts.

_Girls Dorm: Later that evening_

Kristen draped over her bed, her head hanging over the edge looking over at the door.

"Please, let me escape!" She groaned.

Lily rolled her eyes. "You have to study sometime. We have tests next week."

"You're problem, Lily, is that you study too much. Don't you want to have fun?" She had moved and was crouched out on her bed looking at Lily earnestly.

"Oh no. Not that again. We practically started a war between Gryffindor and Slytherin."

Jess chuckled, looking over her Charms book. "It wasn't like they weren't fighting and pulling pranks before that, Lil."

"Yeah, I know. But I really want to do well. Don't you realize how important this is? Our—"

Kristen finished her sentence. "Whole future depends on these tests." She threw a pillow at her head, hoping for any distraction. "I know."

"Well don't you want to have a future?" Lily said in jest.

"Honestly, I don't think I'll have much of one."

The girls all hushed and looked over at Kristen with a mixture of confusion and pity.

She rolled her eyes in response. "If I knew you'd get all dead with me saying that, I wouldn't have. It's not a big deal. It's just hard to have the same focus you do with what's going on in the world."

Jess glanced over. "People have only gone missing. They assume something has happened, but they don't really know anything yet."

Lily didn't say anything. She'd heard rumors, but she didn't like the news. It always seemed to be depressing. Rather than hear about different people's view on things, she liked to make her own assumptions. And being a muggle born it meant she was left out a lot of what was going on in the wizarding world, but after getting the Daily Prophet all summer she'd decided she didn't mind. It was always sickly sweet, as if they were trying to cover and not make people panic. Lily felt that if she wasn't going to get the truth, it wasn't worth reading.

Kristen had parents in the Ministry, and always heard rumors and different things before anyone else. "Yeah, I guess. But you do have to admit that it makes you nervous."

Shrugging Jess looked back at her book. "Not enough to worry. We're at Hogwarts. Our own little world. Nothing can go wrong here."

Lily wanted to lighten the mood and decided to throw a pillow back at Kristen. "Alright, I'm promising right now that no matter what happens, we'll stick together as friends."

She put her hand out, like they normally did when they had an agreement. Jess moved to put her hand on top, but Kristen stopped her.

"You can't promise that. I know you wish you could, but we're fifteen. So much can happen in so little time." She turned her head and gave Lily a piercing glance. "Think of you and James."

"We are not going to end up like me and…him." She groaned and stood up. "I can't even say his name anymore. Just saying it makes me so upset that I can hardly breathe and nothing I seem to do makes any sense anymore and the only way that I feel the tiniest better is when I'm talking to Remus which is crazy because it's not like he can really do that much but then he hugs me and—" Finally she had to breathe.

Kristen and Jess grinned at her, their eyes sparking with mischief. "You like Remus, huh?"

Lily looked at them, trying her best to not have any emotion on her face. "No. I don't. We're friends. Just friends."

Kristen nodded sympathetically. "That's what you always say. It's what you said about James…Potter…Him…whatever it is we're calling now as well."

Now Lily glared and Jess hit Kristen with a pillow. "You need to learn when to keep your mouth shut."

Kristen threw the pillow back at Jess. "Well you do as well. It's not like you weren't thinking it."

A full blown pillow fit started between the two, with them both laughing back comments at each other about who was the worst blabbermouth and needed to learn to think before they spoke. Lily just sat on her bed, her ancient runes book sitting on her lap. They were right. She had been 'just friends' with James…him…Potter, and not they were 'just enemies.'

_Patrols: Last Week of School Before Christmas Holidays_

"I'm so tired of studying." Lily moaned as they moved up another stair case to another floor. "And Kristen just keeps trying to distract me. She's getting clever too, bring ice cream into the mix."

Remus chuckled. "You aren't going to fail. You're doing brilliantly."

She wasn't sure why, but she blushed. That had been happening a lot more lately. Stupid thoughts kept coming into her mind, and she was noticing Remus more and more. She had been excited for this last patrol, but now that they were out all she could talk about was school. She'd been on about it for almost an hour.

She ran a hand through her hair, and looked partially up at Remus. She hadn't realized that he was taller than she was. She went up to his shoulder, which made hugging him perfect. But that wasn't something that she was going to think about now. Only now that she had butterflies entered her stomach again.

"Sorry…I know I've been talking a lot." _A lot about something stupid_. She added to herself.

He grinned at her and shrugged. "I don't have a lot to say. I like hearing you talk."

"Why didn't we ever really talk before?" She stopped walking and looked at him.

His eyes strayed to the floor, as if he didn't really want to answer her question. Hair falling into his eyes as he tilted her head towards her he had a half smile. "I guess you were just…busier."

The words 'with James' sat like a heavy weight between them. It was true. When she'd been close with James she hadn't made time or really cared to talk to anyone else. She'd talked with the girls, because they shared a room and could talk about things she couldn't talk to James about, but when they were all in a group he'd been her focus. She felt sick again. No wonder everyone thought she'd been in love with him.

She leaned against the wall and tilted her head back. "I was self centered."

It wasn't a question but Remus answered back anyway. Resting against the wall sideways so he could still look at her and placed his hand on her shoulder, softly stroking. . "Not self centered. Just, occupied." The stood there for a moment, him softly rubber her shoulder and her refusing to look at him. Finally he broke the silence. "Did you like him? I've…Well I've always wondered."

Sighing she turned her head to look at him. "I dunno. I thought I did." She chuckled softly. "As much as a fourteen year old can I guess." She slid down the floor and sat with one knee up and the other tucked around it, her head resting on her knee. Remus slid down next to her, closer than he really needed to.

"I feel so much older." She looked over at him again, softly laughing at herself. "Does that make any sense?"

He nodded. "I've always felt older."

Smiling she kept her eyes locked with his, but still wanted to change the subject. She'd learned that being a werewolf wasn't something that he liked being reminded of. "We always talk about…well you know. I want to hear more about you."

He looked at her as if no one else had ever asked him that question. Then he smiled back, a full smile and she noticed he had a small dimple on the side of his cheek. She'd never seen him look like that. It was nice. Something about his expressions always seemed sad, but this was the first time she'd ever seen him look at her with total trust. He stood up and put a hand down to help pull her up. "What do you want to know?"

Grinning back at him she took his hand and was surprised when he didn't let go, but she continued to hold as well. He interlocked fingers and pulled slightly as they continued on they're patrol. Looking down at their hands then back up at them she smiled. "Everything. Absolutely everything."

**Alright, so that's it for now. I was going to keep this going until Christmas Break, but I really liked that as a stopping point. So you'll just have to wait and see what happens. Once again, I know this is a Lily and James story. Promise. But we also have to remember that it doesn't happen until 7th year. I'm excited to put out how I think it grows and develops and changes. I hope you all enjoy and I'll be writing more soon! Thank you again to all those who review and I _really_ appreciate feedback and hearing what readers think. You're who I'm writing it for, so if you don't like it isn't as worth it for me.**


	3. Chapter 3

-1**Alright, so here it is. Chapter 3. Thank you so much to the people who have reviewed. That means a lot to me! I love that you have enjoyed it so far and I love the feedback. Keep it up! I have an outline of what I want to happen in every chapter (up to chapter 10. End of 5th year hopefully coming next chapter. I was going to have it be this one, but things got away with me. I still haven't gotten past Christmas Break, but I am already in love with this chapter, so I hope you all like it too!)**

**Disclaimer: As always: I'm not J.K. Rowling. The main characters in these stories are based on her wonderful fiction of Harry Potter. Anything you recognize would be hers, and anything you don't could very possibly be the workings of my own imagination. Scary huh?**

**The World Isn't Really Perfect**

**Best Friends Make the Worst Enemies**

_December 19: Day before Christmas Holiday_

Sirius Black was lagging behind his friends as they were sneaking down to the kitchens. He paused shortly to pick up a chocolate frog that had fallen from his pocket and was proceeding to hop around. He called for them to go on and he'd meet them there as he turned to chase it down the hall. No one just left good chocolate for no reason. As he went further down an arm grabbed him and pulled in into a dark unused room. He tightened immediately but relaxed when he thought it was James just pulling a prank on him. Turning around he saw who it was. Regulas, his half loved, half hated brother. He jerked his arm away and glared at him.

"What do you want? You can't have anything more you possibly want to say to me."

Regulas smiled, but it was more sinister than cheerful. "Don't you want to talk to your baby brother? And here I thought family connections might actually mean something to you."

Sirius felt sick as he thought of his family and wanted to be out of there and with his friends, where he could quickly forget about this little meeting. He started to walk off without saying anything, but Regulas put is wand out in front of him.

"You didn't think that I would bring you in here just for me, did you? Brother." He spit on the ground after the use of the word brother and Sirius glared at him.

"What do you want, _Reggie._" He stressed the nick name he knew he hated.

Regulas glared back at him and said _lumos _making the room light up and letting Sirius know that he wasn't alone. Dozens of Slytherin's that he had grown up were in the room, old friends and family members.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "A bit of an old reunion. Can't wait for the party favors."

Regulas chuckled softly. "No favors here."

Standing up straighter, as if trying to show that he was the tallest in the room as well as the most dignified, Sirius looked everyone straight in the eye. A few couldn't hold his gaze. "So what is this fine meeting all about. It must have taken quite a bit of effort to get everyone to leave they're important duties the day before break."

His cousin Belatrix stepped forward and glared at him. "We're giving you one last chance."

Sirius looked at her blankly. She always was the blunt one, saying and doing whatever it was that popped into her head no matter what the consequences may be. They usually ended up being in her favor, but mostly because she was too intimidating to stand up against. Her and Sirius had always had issues over that fact. He wasn't one to back down.

Regulas chimed in. "Mother has rethought her position and is willing to let you back into the home on certain conditions."

At that Sirius started laughing. "Oh you must want me to come home so badly then. The wayward heir comes back and retakes his place as head of the Black family. I suppose it does have a good ring to it."

"I don't care what you do with yourself. I'd be perfectly comfortable with never thinking again of you. But Mother wishes it and---"

"And your her little dog, always doing as she wishes. So it wouldn't be honorable not to do as she asks."

Regulas glared at him and tightened his hands into fist, trying to gain self control.

Sirius, seeing that he had an advantage, pressed forward recklessly. "You can tell that bitch that there is nothing she could say or do to tempt me to enter that hell-hole you call home.

Belatrix walked forward and slapped him, hard. "You will not speak of my family that way. To think that a Black has sunken so low."

He glared at her dangerously. "You bring me in here, knowing full well how I feel, and expect me to behave in anyway that you see fit. I thought I was rid of you all."

Severus walked up to him, slowly. "Let me talk to him."

The group all looked at him, including Sirius.

"This is no concern of yours, Severus. This is a family matter now." Regulas stated, still wanting to trash Sirius for his earlier statements.

"Let me talk to him." Severus said again.

"Fine." Regulas pushed past everyone else and started to leave the room. "He always did like you better."

Seeing that Regulas was leaving, everyone trailed out slowly. Belatrix as last and glared at Severus and Sirius. "See that you do your duty."

Severus glared back at her, even though he was almost sure that she was talking to Sirius. "I always do."

Nodding stiffly she left the room. Sirius smirked at Severus and started to talk out of the room. "Not that I wouldn't just love a chat, I'm off."

Severus grabbed his arm and pushed him into one of the chairs. "You will do no such thing."

Sirius got up slowly and dusted himself off. "Look, Snivelus, I have a quota for how many times a year I can stand talking to idiots, and it's been more than full today. So if you don't mind, I am going to walk of this room and continue on with my life. I will not look back and I will never think of this day again. I suggest you do the same."

He started to leave, and this time Severus didn't grab him.

"It's already started. And there's nothing you can do to stop it. We're offering you a chance of freedom and victory here. Don't tell me your stupid enough not to take it."

Sirius stopped but didn't turn around. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Severus laughed shortly. "Of course you do. You're not the idiot your friends and you seem to think you are. You're worthy of great things. You have a heritage to live up to, Sirius. You can't honestly say that you'd rather die protecting mudbloods."

"Don't you ever say that in front of me again." Sirius said tersely and turned around. "Don't you talk about what I could do with my life and my friends in that manner."

"So you can dish out insults but you can't take them. Interesting."

Sirius looked at him coldly but refused to say anything.

"Sirius, we made promises to each other. Promises of glory; of change. You couldn't have changed so much that you can't want the same things. The Dark Lord can give those things to you. Come with us."

Sirius had tried to push back the person he had been. He had changed so much while he was Hogwarts. Seen so much. He didn't want to remember the kind of person he'd been as a child; the kind of things he had seen and done. "I want nothing to do with any of that."

"I'm offering you a chance. It may be the only offer you get."

"Good. I wouldn't want to have to refuse again."

They stood there in the dingy room for a few moments, just staring at each other, either one wanting to back down.

"This is your one chance, Sirius. A chance to get back everything that has been taken away from you. Take it. I swear if you don't you will regret the life that is ahead of you."

Sirius laughed shortly. "I'd rather have that life then the one your offering me." He started out the door again and didn't turn as he said "Goodbye, Snape."

The door shut and Severus glared at it for a few minutes before he finally said, "And so it begins."

_That evening, Gryffindor Common Room_

Lily and Remus were sitting next to each other, discussing something or other, and James was glaring at them. He didn't think they were dating. They didn't act as though they were...although he'd never seen either of them in a relationship so he wasn't sure how they would act if they actually were. That thought made him slink further down into his chair and sulk more.

Sirius looked over at him and laughed. "What's the matter mate? Chels decide she didn't want to date you?"

"Ha ha very funny." James ruffled his hair in the way he had realized girls liked because it reminded them that he played quidditch. "I could get any girl I wanted in this school. Chels is practically throwing herself at me."

Laughing Sirius almost threw an exploding snap at him from his game with Jess and Peter. Jess rolled her eyes at him.

"You're getting rather conceited, Jamie."

James sunk deeper into his chair and glared at her. "I am not."

Sirius chuckled and looked over at Jess. "He's just in a right foul mood. He'll be his chipper self after Christmas."

James continued to stare at Lily and Remus as they were chatting and laughing, close together. Suddenly he grinned. There was no way he was going to sit here and be miserable about Lily when she wasn't miserable about him.

"Hey, Lily." He said loudly, trying to get her attention.

She stiffened at hearing him speak and then continued talking to Remus, as if nothing had happened.

James threw a pillow in her direction. "Oy, Evans. Suddenly gone deaf?"

Turning around she raised one eyebrow at him, trying to make him feel like an idiot, but it really only made her look a bit drunk. "Not deaf. It's called selective hearing."

"There's a Hogsmeade weekend a bit after we get back from Christmas holiday. Wanna go with me?"

Everyone looked at James shocked, but no one more so than Lily. "Excuse me?"

He grinned. Perfect. "Must be that selective hearing of yours. I'm asking you out. Hogsmeade. Me and you."

She glared at him. "I'm not an idiot, Potter."

"Oh, my mistake." He said somewhat innocently.

Lily turned around and tried to resume her conversation with Remus, but he was suddenly quiet and not in a very talkative mood.

"So what do you say Evans? You, me, a blanket under the stars. Could be quite...cozy."

Sirius laughed a bit, until Kristen hit him hard in the shoulder from where she was sitting.

Keeping her back toward him Lily answered, "I'm not really interested. No go for me."

"I guess I should have assumed you'd have other plans. After finding out what kind of person you really are." He was hoping that with a comment like that she'd turn around and her eyes would be shinning and she'd have slight color in her cheeks. He loved when she looked like that. It made her look slightly wild and completely unattainable, and he liked the thought of no one being able to have her. It was also a look that she only gave him. Something that was theirs alone.

"James Potter I do not know what your problem is, but I think you better sort yourself out before you talk to her again." Jess said from where she sat on the floor.

Lily looked over at her and smiled, instead of looking at James. He'd made himself out to be a complete prat for nothing.

He made himself shrug, instead of sigh. At least he had self control still. "It was all in fun. I'm sorry if the incomparable Lily Evans can't take a joke."

Sirius looked over at him and made a sign as if it was time to stop. James just went back to sulking in his chair.

Lily hadn't said a word since, and was looking at Remus, trying to get him to say something, but he'd started to read a book.

Blast that James Potter.

_12:05 am 20th of December---8 hours till train leaves_

Everyone had left the common room except for Lily and Remus. She was usually completely zonked out by this point, but she had been determined to talk to Remus.

"What was that about?" She asked him, sharper than she meant to.

"What?" He didn't want to talk about this.

"Remus, you have spoken to me since...he made that stupid comment."

Remus didn't say anything, just continued to look at the book that he was reading.

"What? Why don't you want to talk about it?" Lily stood up, starting to get frustrated.

"Did you ever think that there are some things that I don't want to talk about, and that maybe James is one of them?" He said softly, but in a tone Lily hadn't heard before.

She looked over at him, and felt slightly wounded. She didn't want to hurt him. She'd never thought that talking about James would...but maybe she was an idiot...maybe he did like her. They had gotten rather close this past week, but she had never known if it was more of a friendly way or something more. More confusing was she wasn't sure which way she wanted it to be.

Sighing she sat down next to him. "I'm sorry. I know that I talk a lot about things that probably aren't the most welcoming."

"I didn't say that to make you upset. I said it so that you could understand."

They sat quietly for a moment. "Remus, you know that if you want to talk to me about anything, you can. Right? I don't want this to be a me constantly running to you one-sided mess. That isn't fair to either of us."

"Lil, I know. But, there are some things I can't talk about. You understand, right?"

"Sure." She answered, even though she wasn't sure she did.

"I...I don't like when he treats you like that." He'd wanted to say 'I don't like that he asked you out.' but didn't feel as if he had that right.

Lily laughed and sat closer to him. "I don't either. At least we're agreed on that." He didn't say anything and she laughed a bit more. "Look at us. Me actually alright that he's a prat and you upset about it. When did we switch places?"

Remus laughed a bit, but he wasn't really in the mood. Things were getting complicated. He liked being around Lily, but wasn't sure if he wanted things to go further than they were. What would James think? He owed him so much. At the same time, he didn't care. He was happy when he was around he, and in a way he didn't even admit to himself he liked having something, just for once, that James didn't have.

"You've gotten awfully serious." Lily looked up at him. "What are you thinking about?"

"How glad I am tests are over and I don't have to think of them again until June."

"Thank goodness. I think I did really well on most of them. Those study sessions with Slughorn really helped, but I wish he'd stop pairing me up with Severus. I hate the way he looks at me."

"People have a hard time changing the way they were raised. You remember Sirius the first year."

Lily laughed remembering. "He was so upset to be put into Gryffindor. I remember that he wouldn't talk to anyone for a week, but James...Potter finally got to him."

"He eventually gets to most people." He sounded resigned.

"Until you see the true him and realize that he's a jerk."

"Lily, you know he's really not."

"Remus, you keep saying that. But he treats me like I'm worse than a Slytherin half the time."

He didn't want to do this. "He fancies you."

Lily looked at him blankly, going white. "No. He doesn't."

"Believe whatever is easiest for you." He shrugged. "But it's true."

"You don't treat people you fancy like that."

Remus had a slow grin and cocked his head as he looked down at her "How do you treat people you like?"

Blushing she was going to not say anything at all, but decided it was better to be reckless for once and get things over with. "Like this." And she leaned up and kissed him softly on the cheek.

Remus grinned again and looked down at her. "Hmm...yeah I can see how he doesn't really do that."

Lily laughed softly and rested her head on his shoulder, thankful that he hadn't made that very awkward. Remus put his hand under her chin and moved her head softly so he was looking at her. Looking into her eyes, and then at her lips, and then back again. Lily looked down shyly, but then back at him and bit her lip softly.

"I think I'm going to kiss you." He stated softly.

"I think I'm going to let you." She answered in the same tone, smiling a bit.

He bent down and brushed his lips against hers softly and then added more pressure. His arm slid down around her waist and he pulled her a bit closer. Lily moved her arm up his and then put her hand around his neck, playing softly with the hairs on the nape. He trailed little kisses on her cheek and kissed her softly by her ear, whispering "I think that was worth it."

Lily just smiled softly. She didn't know what to say...

_Girls Dorm Room_

She couldn't sleep. All she could do was think about kissing Remus. It wasn't what she had expected. Not that she had expected fireworks, but she had expected something. It had felt nice, but she'd wanted it to feel...more. She didn't really have much to compare it too, and the only thing she really could wasn't a valid source and wasn't something she wanted to think about.

_Maybe you just don't know what you're supposed to feel. You've never really kissed a boy before. It was probably just fine._

_Just fine? You're willing to settle with 'just fine'?_

_I like Remus. He's a great guy._

_So are Sirius and Peter for that matter, but you don't kissing them._

_Remus means a lot to me._

_Yeah, that's what you're picking this apart instead of just being happy that it happened._

_I am happy that it happened..._

_Then why are you in analytical mode? Why are you talking to yourself again._

_I'm not talking to myself...I'm...I'm debating whether that was a good decision._

_Was it?_

_...I don't know_

_You were more excited when you were 13 than you are now._

_I don't want to think about that._

_You already are._

_I was 13. Anything is exciting to a 13 year old. Besides that doesn't count. It was two curious kids trying to...figure things out._

_But you enjoyed it more than you've enjoyed this._

_What are you going on about? This is not helping! _

_You just don't want to admit things to yourself. _

Lily shut her eyes tightly and ran her hands through her hair. She should be happy, she should be excited, but all she could think about was James...

_Early Spring 1974, 3rd Year_

James and Lily were crouched under his invisibility cloak under a tree close to the lake. They'd snuck out of Hogwarts past curfew and were trying not to be seen, but wanted to catch a glance at the giant squid. There was a rumor that it sometimes came out on full moons. James seemed upset about something, but didn't want to discuss. They'd had a few arguments lately and James was keeping a secret, she could tell. She could also tell that he didn't want to talk about it and there was no use trying to get James Potter to talk about something he didn't want to talk about.

They sat there in silence for about thirty minutes before the water rippled. Nothing happened after that though. Lily shivered a bit, because it was chilly and James looked over at her.

"Cold?"

She smiled. "Yeah, well a thin cloak that makes you see through isn't really the best protector from March evenings."

He moved closer and put his arm around her. She instantly was warmer and was sure that she was blushing so she couldn't look at him.

"Is that better?"

"Oh...yeah. It's fine...thanks."

He grinned and rubbed her bare arm a little. "You'll warm up in no time. Then we'll see the squid and everyone will be so jealous that we've actually seen it."

"Sure." She tired not to think about his arm, and tried to concentrate on the matter at hand. "Sirius will be so mad you didn't invite him."

"What makes you think I didn't?" James grinned back at her.

"Well, the fact that Sirius isn't here and that water isn't on us right now is a pretty good indication that he doesn't know we're here."

They were quiet again and James finally said. "I actually wanted to be here...with you."

Lily was sure she was blushing but didn't want to read to much into what he said. "Thanks. I've missed being with you guys lately."

"Yeah...sorry about that. Things are just getting complicated."

"Oh. Well, yeah. I understand." She really didn't.

"You know, Sirius kissed Miranda yesterday."

She looked at him and was shocked. "What? And she let him?"

"Yeah. I think they're going together now."

"Ugh. Gross."

"You think that's gross?" James ask her, looking at her sideways.

"I just don't want a boyfriend right now. My Dad says I don't need a boy to tie me down. That there's time for that later."

James laughed. "That sounds like your Dad."

"I think he's scared that I'm going to let you take advantage of me."

"Are you?" He asked grinning.

"James!" She pushed him softly and blushed again.

"You know, you're really pretty when you blush. You face goes all pink and matches your hair beautifully."

She was sure she was blushing horribly and pushed him again. "You're awful."

He chuckled and grinned. She decided then and there that she wanted to marry someone who could grin and make her stomach clench up. "So are you going to let me take advantage of you."

"You're the only person I would." She said sarcastically.

"Good." Then he looked at her and started moving closer.

She pushed back a bit, working to stay under the cloak. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to kiss you." He stated like she was an idiot. "Now stop moving."

He leaned in and this time she stayed right where she was. He wasn't smooth, and she was sure she wasn't either. She kept her hands on the grass to steady her, and James had both of his hands on her shoulder, as if to steady himself or to make sure she stayed where she was supposed to. It was awkward and probably not at all romantic to anyone else, but James Potter kissed Lily Evans. It was only once, and lasted probably less than five seconds, but Lily was sure that she had fallen in love with him then and there.

He pulled away and grinned. "There. Now Sirius can't say he's done something I haven't."

Lily pushed him away. "Thanks. I feel very special."

He put his arm around her shoulder and looked at her. He was grinning and his hair was messed up horribly. He was too skinny and too bony---he had a lot of growing up still to do, but she found him more handsome than any other boy in Hogwarts. "You are special. You always will be."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

And then he kissed her again. This one lasted a little bit longer

_Back to Actual Reality_

They had only kissed those two times, and just thinking about them made Lily blush again. This was definitely not right. She should be thinking about Remus. If she didn't like him she shouldn't have kissed him back, but she wasn't sure if she didn't like.

"I'm so confused." She said softly to herself. Jess, who was in the bed next to her, rolled over and grumbled in her sleep.

Lily got out of bed and went back into the common room, hoping maybe Remus was there but at the same time hoping she could be completely alone. She needed to get this worked out as quickly as possible, because she really didn't want to hurt Remus if she decided that she didn't feel the same way he did.

As she walked out into the room, she saw the fire was still burning and one candle was out. James was sitting in one of the chairs, reading. He looked up as he heard the noise and his eyes changed for surprise, to resignation, to something she couldn't read at all.

"Couldn't sleep, Evans?"

"No...not really."

She stood there at the bottom of the stairs, not wanting to go forward or back, but feeling completely stuck.

"I came down as soon as Remus came up. He was surely pleased about something." He was smirking at her, but it was one that reached his eyes and he seemed bitter about something.

"Oh. Well, that's nice I guess. He has a lot to be unhappy about it's always good when you can be cheerful about something."

"Oh get off it. You're together. Just say it so that you can get it over with. Slinking around like it's some dirty secret. Are you really that ashamed of him?"

"I am not ashamed of any feelings that I may or may not have towards Remus. He's a good friend." She looked at him and raised her chin defiantly. "The best I've ever had."

James hardened his eyes and glared. "Yeah, well I'm sure you're not the best he's ever had."

She gasped as if he'd hit her.

"You can't think you're the only girl he's kissed. He's sixteen. Everyone gets curious some time or another."

She was pretty sure she wasn't the first. He didn't kiss her with any awkwardness, it had been smooth and comfortable. It'd been better than her few kisses with James, they just hadn't made her whole body flare up like his had.

"You're a prick, Potter. If you think for one minute that that actually matters to me you never knew me at all."

"Obviously I didn't." He stood up and walked towards her and said softly. "But don't worry, I won't overestimate you again."

It was too late and she hadn't prepared for an attack like this. She felt completely defeated. "Go to hell." Was the only proper reply she could think of.

"I'm sure I will." He grinned and she was upset that she'd ever found that grin appealing. "But don't worry. I won't compare notes with Remus. I'm sure you wouldn't add up anyway."

And he brushed past her and walked up the stairs.

He felt like a prick. These attacks were hardly ever planned, but he'd been so upset when Remus had walked into the dorm quietly, as if nothing had happened. But he'd been smiling. James recognized it because he'd seen it on his face two years ago. The excited smile of possibilities that only Lily Evans could give you. Sirius glanced up quickly, had said hello, then looked up again.

"Bloody hell, you kissed her."

Remus had smiled and shrugged. Congratulations had gone around the room, but James hadn't been able to say anything. He'd spend this year pretending that this gap between him and Lily was only temporary, that every promise they'd made to each other was really going to happen. But he'd seen the gap get wider and wider, and he's seen his hands be the ones stretching it. He just wasn't sure what to do to fix it. He couldn't apologize, and was fairly sure that if he'd tried now she wouldn't forgive him. He'd gone to far too many times, but had no way to go backwards and fix the things that he'd done to their friendship. If only he could blame Remus, but he couldn't. Remus deserved this chance. But he could wish it was with someone different. He could wish that Lily would look at him the way she looked at Remus.

He could wish for a lot of things.

**Shorter than I had expected and it didn't go quite where I expected it to either, but I like it. So I really hope that you do as well. Plans for next chapter (that I can tell you about) is "Snapes Worst Memory" and the end of 5th year. Most likely the end of the Remus and Lily romance. Also, feel free to go to my MySpace. The plan is to post chapters as well as updates there. Link is: http/ PLEASE review and I hope that you enjoyed it. New chapter coming soon!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I am so sorry that this has taken so long to get out, but life gets hectic sometimes! So here is chapter four! Hopefully enough happens that it will make up for the gap and you'll all enjoy it. Plan is to write an update every Saturday, but that won't always be able to happen. Hope you enjoy this chapter!! I keep wanting to go further then the chapters will let me. Too much happens and I don't want to make the chapter be outrageously long, so yet again we will not be getting to the end of the year in the chapter. Sorry!! It better be next chapter or you can all flame me or something!**

**Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling is my idle. Is that enough said? **

**The World Isn't Really Perfect**

**All That Angsty Crap**

_On the Train Back from Christmas Break: January 1977_

Christmas Break had not been what Lily had been expecting. Petunia was married and her….husband…had joined the festivities. He'd been there last year as well, but it seemed so different knowing that he was officially part of the family. It seemed as if every relationship she was in was strained somehow. She'd owled Remus a few times, and he'd mentioned the possibility of him coming up but she'd brushed it off with some poor excuse. She had no idea what she was going to do there. Was mostly just hoping that when she saw him back at Hogwarts there would be magic, for lack of a better use of the word.

The present he'd gotten her had surprised her. She'd been disappointed when she's opened the first part. It'd been a delicate glass lily, and it was beautiful, but it was something she could add to the collection of the many she had received from people over the years. It just seemed like when someone couldn't think of an original gift that's what she received. So when she'd seen the other small package tucked under the tree with her name on it she'd been excited but not sure what to expect. It was another small glass sculpture, but of a unicorn. It was so well done that she could almost see it moving, with the wind moving through its mane. It was beautiful and she'd always and an affinity to the animal. It was her favorite present by far, and even if she wasn't sure how she was feeling she couldn't wait to thank him for it. She couldn't wait to see him on the train.

She was running a bit late, but hurried into the compartment that the group normally sat in. Everyone was already there. Kirsten was curled up by the window with a book, Jess and Sirius were having an arm wrestle with Peter urging Sirius on. Remus looked up and smiled shyly when she came in. And James had his arm around the blonde floozy Chels Bennet.

_I guess the Christmas Holidays were productive for some people_. She thought bitterly, a sick feeling entering the bottom of her stomach.

Shaking the thought of she plastered a smile to her face and tried to focus on Remus. Walking quickly over she sat down on the seat next to his, and gave him a huge hug. "I wanted to write you but it just didn't seem worth it. Thank you so much for your present. It was beautiful."

Remus was slightly taken aback, because this was not the reaction he had expected. Slowly he wrapped his arms around her and let himself enjoy the feel of her.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." He pulled back and kissed her softly and shortly. "I was hoping you would, but I wasn't really sure what to get you."

"It was absolutely perfect." She smiled back at him. "I loved it."

"And what did our dear friend Remus get you Lily." James asked in a patronizing voice, grinning the whole time.

Chels was just looking up at him adoringly with her arm on his chest.

Lily felt sick, but was not going to allow him to ruin the mood she wanted to be in. With the smile still plastered on her face she said "A lovely glass sculpture." _You git_, she wanted to add, but was working on her self control.

"Well going mate." James directed at Remus. "Went with my advice after all?"

Remus looked almost as if he wanted to blush and Lily looked at him. He almost said something but Lily cut him off.

"James does have a lot of experience in the matter." Lily added roughly, glaring at James. "He's the perfect person to go to for advice on things like that. What'd you get Chels?"

Chels giggled and Lily wanted to stuff something down her throat. How could James tolerate someone like that? Couldn't he see that she was just throwing herself at him? How low did someone have to go?

"A scarf." She giggled again. And Lily just looked at her confused. "To hide these." And pulled the scarf she was wearing down a bit and you could see two hickies. Lily wanted to throw up even more.

"That's….just so thoughtful." She said for lack of anything else.

James grinned back at her, as though challenging her. "Yeah, Chels and I had a pretty good time during the break. Did you and Remus do anything?"

Remus was going to say something again, but Lily cut him off. "Some people have other things to do then just snog the whole holiday. I happen to have a very busy family."

"So you didn't get anything?" He looked pityingly over at Remus. "Tough luck man, but we always thought Lils here would be a touch nut to crack."

Before Lily could say anything Remus stood up. "Am I even a part of this conversation or just an ornament to start another one of your fights?"

James didn't say anything, just looked straight at Remus. Lily dropped her head and bit her lip.

Everyone in the compartment went silent except for Chels who giggled. "Is it always like this."

Sirius looked over at her, "Oh just shut up."

"I don't appreciate you telling my girlfriend to shut up." James snapped back, upset that he's hurt Remus, but not caring at the same time.

"Well I don't appreciate you starting fights and distracting me so that I lose in an arm wrestle with a girl."

Everyone but Lily and Remus laughed. They knew that Sirius was just trying to lighten the mood, but it wasn't working. Lily looked up at him and could just see that he was upset.

"Come on, lets go." She stood up and took his hand and pulled him out.

"Look Lily, I don't want to hear it."

"Hear what?"

"I get that you like James. Alright? I thought you didn't, I thought you could like me, but that obviously isn't working."

"That is not what I was going to say." She looked up at him, hurt and upset. "And I don't have feelings for James…Potter…Him."

He laughed shortly. "Sure. Whatever."

"Remus. I don't!"

"Then why did you practically ignore me the whole holiday? Three owls and excuses as to why you couldn't come or I shouldn't come." He looked down at her and she could tell he was upset. "I wanted to spend time with you."

"I wanted to spend time with you too. I'm just confused and this is my first relationship, and I'm not sure what to do with it."

She leaned her back against the wall and slide down. He sat down next to her and took her hand. "Lily, I want to try this." He brushed the hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. "I like you."

"I like you too. Really I do. And I want to try this too. But we have to take it slow."

"Slow."

She chuckled. "Yeah. Slow. I'm not sure what's going on inside my head yet."

"And Merlin forbid you're confused for any reason." He said sarcastically.

Nudging him softly in the side she cuddled closer to him. It felt comfortable, she just didn't know if it was supposed to feel something else as well. "Slow is better for both of us I think."

He was still playing with her hair, and kissed the top of her head lightly. "Whatever you say."

"Thank you for the unicorn. I really did love it. Even if James did give you the idea."

"Unicorn?" He asked, confused.

She turned and looked at him. "Yeah, the lily and the unicorn." His expression was still blank. "I loved the unicorn."

"I only got you the lily…" Remus said quietly.

Lily wanted to die. "I loved that too, really I did. I just…there was a unicorn too…and it was glass…I just figured it was from you and…"

Remus closed his eyes and leaned his head against the side. What was he trying to do here? "Nope. Not from me. But I'm glad you liked the lily too. Sorry it wasn't all you thought it was."

She put her hand on his cheek so he would look at her. "Look, I know this isn't the best beginning, but don't give up on me yet. Alright?"

"Alright." He sighed and held her closer. _Might as well enjoy it while it lasts_.

_Back at Hogwarts: Great Hall_

"As some of you may have noticed, a few of our students have not returned." Dumbledore stated from the front of the room. "This is not a cause for concern and know that the matter is fully in hand."

People were scanning the room and noticing that about 6 Slytherins were missing. Whispers were going around. Were they on the bus? Had anyone seen them during break? What were they doing? Did it have anything to do with the you-know-what?

Sirius just sat in his chair looking miserable.

"So your brother, cousin, and a few of their mates didn't make the bus." James tried to shrug it off even though he also felt the heaviness of the situation. "It's gonna turn out alright. No big, right?"

"Right." Sirius muttered. "But…but what if I suspected something. Am I supposed to tell someone?"

"That your crazy cousin and your brother are madly in love and have gone off to have a sordid affair?"

Sirius just sat looking at his food until he realized what James had said, spit most of it out, and started coughing from lack of air. Once he got his breath back he smiled softly at James and hit him on the shoulder. "That's just sick. I don't want to hear that ever again."

James grinned and pretended to shudder. "Think of the children."

"Ewww. Come on mate. Stop!"

But the two were soon back to joking and trying to forget the feeling that had come over them.

Lily and Remus were sitting by each other, pretending that they were in a relationship and that nothing was in between them. They were holding hands and smiling and trying to goof of just like everyone else, but it just wasn't working.

"So when is our first patrol?" Lily asked, grabbing for straws. Patrols seemed to be the best time for them. It was just the two of them without any outside pressure and unwelcome comments.

"A week I think. This week isn't good for me."

Lily looked at him and then remembered. "Oh, yeah. And I have class. Silly of me to have forgotten."

"No worried." Then went back to his food.

They were quiet again, sometimes adding comments to everyone else's banter. She looked over at him and whispered "Are we good?"

"Yeah. We're fine."

"Remus…"

He wouldn't look at her. "Just, not this week Lil. This isn't the best week for me."

"Yeah…of course." She looked down at her food but wasn't hungry. "Later."

_That Night: Boys Dorm_

"What are you doing Remus? You upset her at dinner." James asked, pulling off his shirt to get ready for bed.

"What am I doing? You're a prat to her and upset her everyday! At least we're in a relationship."

"She expects more out of you."

Remus looked over at him angrily and shook his head. "So because she expects me to be perfect I have to be?"

"Yeah." James yelled back.

"What about what she expected from you?" He shot back.

"Don't go there."

"You're the one who started this. Don't tell me what I can or cannot say."

"Well someone sure is moony this week."

"Why would you do that?" Remus asked, quietly.

"Call you moony?" James asked, confused.

"You know what I'm talking about. Christmas. Why?"

James just looked at him and didn't say anything.

"I just…nevermind. I'm going for a walk."

And Remus walked out.

Sirius looked up at James. "I'm not getting involved in this. You two can sort out your own problems like the girls you are."

"Whatever Sirius."

And then James walked out as well.

_Same Night: Girls Dorm_

"So…what was that?" Jess asked softly while putting on her pajama's.

"Well, Remus seems to think that I like James. And James is a prat. And I thought the present that I liked was from Remus and I told him how much I loved it and he said it wasn't from him. So I don't think he's too happy with me."

Kirsten let out a breathe. "Wow. That's a lot in one day."

"And we didn't talk a lot during the holiday, so I don't think that helped." She plopped onto the bed and groaned. "I just can't do anything right!"

"Lily men are involved. Who can?" Kristen stated.

Jess and Lily chuckled. "Too true."

There was silence for a minute until Lily groaned again. "I just want this to work. But I don't know if I want it to work for the right reasons."

"What reasons are the wrong ones?"

"I don't even know. I don't know how I'm feeling. I don't know if this is right, but I want it to be right. I don't want to…"

"No one thinks that you're dating him as a replacement for James." Jess said bluntly.

"I think he thinks that though." Lily sighed.

"Then he's daft." Added Kirsten.

"But….what if he's right? What if I am and just don't want to admit it to myself?"

"Then you'd be majorly in denial and there would be no help for any of us." Kirsten grinned back at her.

"Thanks. That's so much help."

"We try." Jess smirked.

"That's it. I need air. I'm going for a walk."

She grabbed her robe and put it on, not bothering to tie it closed and left.

_Common Room: Same (turning out to be dreadful) Night_

James had seen Remus in the common room and thought to stop to say something, thought better of it, and decided to leave. Remus was thankful for not having the interruption. He needed to think.

He'd known that James had feelings for Lily. Anyway with a brain who knew him could pretty much see it, but he hadn't backed off. Normally he would have. It wouldn't have even been an issue. He wouldn't have let himself get involved.

"But you did" he growled to himself, and chucked a pillow across the room. "And this is what you get."

Of course Lily still liked him. You'd have to be daft not to know that as well. She was mad, that was for certain, and maybe she didn't realize it. But she liked him.

"What am I doing?" He asked no one, while he looked up at the ceiling and ran his hands through his hair.

"I'm not sure, but if you want to explain it to me, that'd be great." Lily stated as she leaned against the wall by the staircase.

Surprised he turned and looked over. "What are you doing awake?"

"Remus. We need to talk."

"Lily, I really think we should wait."

"What for? Things aren't magically going to fix this. We need to fix it." She walked over to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. "I want to fix this."

He looked over at her, "I really want to believe you. But…Lily I can't see how this can work." He turned away again and kicked a book that someone had left on the floor. "What was I thinking? You're not mine."

"I'm not anyone's." Lily said sharply.

Sighing he turned back, "I know that. I know…really I do. It's just, Lil we have to be honest."

"So now I'm not being honest? I want you Remus. You."

"Do you really?" He asked softly. "Do you honestly, really, want to be in this relationship with me. Not with someone else."

She looked up at him and tried to keep her eyes focused on his, she looked down. "I…"

"Lily, we have to be honest. Yes, I want you to feel about me the same way that I feel about you. Yes, this hurts. But no, I'm not going to stop being friends with you because you don't." He sighed. "We both can't help the way we feel."

A few tears slid down her cheek. "I don't know why I can't. I want to so badly, Remus. I want to feel about you the same way I've felt about….but I just can't."

He tucked a finger under her chin. "I know. If you didn't I might be able to be angry."

"Why do you have to be so damn gracious?" Lily asked, trying to chuckle through her tears.

"Because I love you Lily."

She smiled and leaned up and kissed him softly, "I love you too."

"Well isn't that sweet?" James asked, bitterly.

Lily closed her eyes and willed the tears to stop. Remus just pulled her closer as if he could protector.

"Not now James." He warned.

"Fine. Obviously I didn't take a long enough walk." And slammed the door as loudly as he could on the way out.

Lily sighed. "I don't know why I can't get over….that." And flung an arm in his general direction.

He chuckled. "We're both stuck with him, so I guess I better go fix this."

Lily put her arm on his shoulder to stop him. "No. I'll do it."

"You sure."

"Nope. But I can't just stand and let him walk over both of us."

"I'll be here if you need me."

She turned and looked back at him and sighed. "I know."

_The Hall: Yep, Same Night. (Only Possibly now the next very early morning)_

"James Potter you get back here right now." Lily said sternly as she walked down the hall.

James turned around but continued walking. "You too seemed pretty cozy. Wouldn't want to have ruined your life."

"Not that it's any of your business but we were breaking up!" She yelled back at him.

He stopped and noticed how she looked. Her eyes were read and you could see where the tears had been whipped away on her cheeks. Her hair was messed up, from he had first thought had been kissing, but now he wasn't sure.

"That bastard. What was he thinking?"

James started back toward her to the door of the common room. "You have no right. No right at all to be upset and to feel like you can protect me."

He turned toward her again. "I can do whatever I want."

"Obviously." She spat back. "I'm sick of it, Potter. You stay out of my life." _And out of my head_.

"Don't tell me that I had anything to do with this." He said after a pause.

She tilted her head higher. "That's not any of your business."

_What kind of a friend am I?_ James thought. _I didn't mean to Remus. I'm so sorry._ He ran his hand through his hair. "Lil, I'm sorry if—"

"Don't you 'Lil' me you little—" She stopped herself. She was going to remain calm. "Just stay out of it."

He grabbed her hand as she started to talk off and she had to close her eyes and take a moment to breathe before she could turn around.

"If I did something, I need to know. I need to make this right."

"Well you can't! You can't fix this."

"Was I at least mentioned?" He almost yelled at her.

"Yes! Yes alright. You were mentioned. Now I hope you're bloody happy." She wanted to cry, again. Now he'd know. And she'd be the fool. Again. "I'm going to bed."

"I'm sorry." He said to her as she walked back through the door and closed it. "I'm sorry I'm a git and I messed this up. I'm sorry we're not friends anymore and that nothing I can do will fix that either." He sighed and eventually followed her into the common room where she was crying on Remus and he was holding her and whispering reassurances in her ear. He glared at James as he walked past, and James felt the emptiness in the pit of his stomach. But at least they had each other. And he'd make sure he'd stay out of this time. Even if it killed him.

**Alright, so I know that this is like, once again, all written in one day of the story, but I like it ending here, so tough. I really will try to get it moving faster again!! Hopefully we'll get chapter 5 out by Saturday or at least next week.**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. It means so much to me! Let me know what you thought this time too!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the reviews! You guys are amazing! I apologize for Dumbledore. I love him so much, but I have a hard time writing him. So sorry he's not as good as he really is!! (But he's only in it for a minute) But this chapter is covering a lot of ground. So I also apologize for jumping around, but that's what needs to happen. End of fifth year coming up next chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, therefore the majority of these characters and the basic guidelines (Hogwarts, ect) are not mine. But I thank her for writing them because they're fabulous. So please don't hate me. I know where it's from and I know who wrote it, and it wasn't me!**

**The World Isn't Really Perfect**

**Moments that Don't Last**

_Early March 1977_

James was miserable. He was mostly miserable because it seemed like everyone else around him was miserable. Everyone else meaning Lily Evans, of course. She hadn't smiled for weeks. Not that he was really looking, but she hadn't. Fake smiles that didn't completely reach her eyes, but not the smile he had fallen in love with. Not that he was in love. That would be ridiculous, or so he told himself. But if he had, fallen in love, it was the smile the smile he had fallen for. It started slowly, barely moving half of one side of her lips where you could start to see a shallow dimple on her left cheek, then it would develop into a full smile and her eyes lit up and he could have sworn they sparkled. No one else's eyes seemed to sparkle the ways hers did.

She had told him to leave her alone, and he was trying. He wasn't sure why he was trying, because normally he wouldn't have even listened. Maybe that was the issue. He hadn't listened for so long, and now felt as if he had lost two friendships that were so important to him. Not that Remus was acting like anything was different. That was probably what made it so hard. Remus was going on as if nothing had happened, and as if it wasn't James' fault. He knew it was. Lily had told him it was. Hadn't he walked in and seen them telling each other they loved each other, and the next minute breaking up because James had been upset at Remus and pushed the limits. Remus had brushed it off as if it wasn't a big deal, but he hadn't smiled for a while either; even when Sirius had tried so hard and transformed Snivellous' clothes into those of a hufflepuff girl. The hufflepuffs hadn't thought it was humorous, but everyone else had. Even Lily had almost smiled before she remembered.

So all in all, James was miserable. Everyone was acting as if everything was normal, when it wasn't. Sirius was pretending he wasn't worried about his family, about his brother. Sure they didn't have the best relationship, but you still wonder when your brother doesn't return to school for three months. There had also been attacks, more people missing, and what was starting to be chaos. No one had died of yet, but there was talk of unforgivable curses being used. James could feel the world around him moving so quickly and not at all the way he thought it would. What happened to just being kids and having fun? Suddenly the world and being an adult didn't seem so far away, but he wasn't so sure what to do about it.

Sirius looked over and saw James staring out the window in the dorm room, looking out at the lake. He grinned over at him, trying to remove the furrow in James' brow. "Hey mate. Want to sneak down later this week and see if we can catch a view of the squid before we meet up with Moony?"

"Sure Shags." James tried to smile back at him. "You now how I like a good squid hunt."

Peter looked up. "Isn't that where you kissed—"

He stopped talking when Sirius turned and glared at him. The smile left James face.

Sirius coughed. "Why don't we see what progress Remus has made?"

Remus was off doing patrol's with Lily and it was just the three of them, they were working on something new, something no one had done before. At least as far as they knew. They were making a map of Hogwarts, and it was turning out to be more complicated then they'd thought.

While Remus was on patrol's they had him using his wand to trace the halls onto the sheet of parchment Sirius was looking at. It was the largest they could find and they'd had difficulty finding it and figuring out how they wanted it folded, but James was at least happy with the results so far. The had an outline of most of the major areas, as they'd all be working on tracing as they walked to classes and along the grounds. The next step, after they had the main work finished, would be to somehow figure out how to charm the map or the school so they could see where everyone was. It was quite a project, but after becoming anamagi they all really felt they could accomplish anything. They'd sent Peter to the library, thinking he looked the most unsuspicious, to find books and James and Remus had poured over them the nights before trying to work something out. This was one of the few things that was keeping his mind off of the things that were going on around him. Except he was worried that they might need a book, a book that was in the restricted section but he knew Lily had because he'd given it to her in third year. His parents still hadn't noticed it missing from their collection, thankfully.

"It's actually looking really good. I'd saw we've got over half of the school done." Peter noted, looking over it.

"And you thought it couldn't be done." James said proudly.

"Well…it hasn't been. Not yet at least."

Sirius hit him on the shoulder. "Do you have to be so damn negative?"

Rubbing his shoulder Peter looked over at him. "There is a difference in being negative and being realistic."

"Well try being…optoplasmic…or whatever the word is."

James chuckled. "Whatever you say, mates." He looked over at the stack of books by his bead. "Sadly Petey here does have a point. It won't be as effective as we want it to be if we can't figure out how to get it to track people. The whole point is to be unseen, even when we aren't using the cloak."

"Well how about we charm buttons and give them to everybody. That way everyone will be wearing something we can track." Peter said, trying to be helpful.

"Yeah, 'cause I can see everyone in the school, professors, Filch, Slytherins, all wearing 'I love Potter' buttons." Sirius grumbled.

"I didn't say they'd be 'I love Potter'!" Peter retorted.

James just grinned. "You know me too well, mate."

"Sadly it's true." Sirius added, smiling sappily.

"You guys are sick." Peter groaned.

Sirius pushed him, "You're the one who thought it. Now I have to go wash out my mind with soap. Or shampoo. Whichever I find closer in the tub."

James just laughed. This is what life was about. Spending time with your mates. Girls were just over rated.

_Patrols_

"Alright. What is it that you're doing with that stupid wand?" Lily burst out, after five minutes of Remus not doing anything but mumbling and moving his wand around.

"Hush. You'll ruin my concentration."

"You bet I will if you don't tell me what you're playing at."

"I'm not playing at anything." He stopped and put his wand away and then looked over at her. "You're right bossy."

"Why else do you think they made me a prefect?" Lily said, looking up at him and grinning.

Remus looked at her, then at her mouth, then backed away. "Uh…"

Lily looked down at the floor. Opened her mouth to say something, and then shut it. This happened every once in a while. They'd be together and everything would be going great, then something would happen, him looking at her, her looking at James, brushing up against each other, almost anything, and it would be awkward again.

"Umm..." Remus started again, trying to get his mind back to where it was before. "We were talking about…?"

"Right!" Lily said a little too quickly. "You and your stupid wand."

"Oh. Yeah I don't want to talk about that. Let's find something else."

"You can't do that. You can't wet my curiosity and then change the subject."

He grinned back at her. "Lil, people do it to you all the time."

"I know. And I hate it." She pouted, her lower lip coming out slightly. "It's rude. You don't want to be rude, do you Remus?"

He didn't say anything for a while and then just grinned. "How are your OWL study sessions going?"

Lily immediately got tense. "They're awful. How can people do this to us? I think it's cruel and unusual punishment. Completely basing our futures on this stupid test. I hate it!"

"Technically our future is based off NEWTS."

"Yeah, but these are what get us into our classes that we take our NEWTS from. So we can't take NEWTS without these. These are the key. The key that opens the door into some other room with other doors that are also locked. My life is full of locked doors, Remus!"

"Lil, did anyone ever tell you that you have major issues."

"Yes." She said plainly. "I live with Jess and Kirsten. It happens about everyday."

Remus just laughed and messed up her hair, then brought her in for a half hug. "Oh Lil, you're special."

She grinned up at him. "I love you too. But that doesn't get you off the hook! What the hell is up with your stupid wand?"

Remus just shook his head and continued walking. "Come on, I think I hear giggling. We might be able to catch some rebellious first years and scare the hell out of them."

"Tsk. So juvenile." Then she smiled as well. "Let's do it!"

_Late March, 1977_

They had decided that the only way to possibly get the map to work they way they wanted to was to actually charm Hogwarts itself. And that, they were pretty sure they wouldn't be able to do with just the four of them. Especially without someone else noticing. Like Dumbledore. So they'd decided to go straight to the source.

James was the best talker out of the four of them, so they had decided to send him. He stood in the Headmaster's office, waiting for him to come in. He was sure he was somewhere around there, but just hadn't decided to show himself yet. He was looking over at some weird globe Dumbledore had when a hand grabbed his shoulder. James stiffened and turned around. Professor Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling. "Wouldn't want you getting too comfortable."

He walked over and James followed behind him. "What can I do for you, James?"

"Well, actually." He stopped for a moment then took a breath. "We want to make a map, Sir. A good one. And we'd like this map to be able to have certain, abilities."

"We meaning you and your friends." Dumbledore smiled. "The ones Filch frequent calls delinquents and wants to tar and feather."

James grinned. "Yes sir."

"What, abilities, are you wanting that you feel the need to come and see me for?"

"We'd like to lay charms in Hogwarts. All around Hogwarts. It would be for the benefit of our classmates, as well as ourselves. They would have to be permanent, and all encompassing. This would be a challenge, but we really feel we're ready for it. But we did want to make sure we had your permission before going ahead with it." James smiled again.

"Meaning I already know what is going on in this school, and you'd rather be left alone to do what it is you're planning on doing no matter what I say than to have me or other professors bothering you about it later."

James looked at him and decided that being straight with Dumbledore was always better than hiding the truth. He always managed to find out what that was anyway. He was the most amazing wizard James had ever known. "Pretty much, sir."

Dumbledore smiled back at him, his eyes twinkling over his half moon glasses. "Well than I suppose there isn't much I could do to persuade you." He brushed over a few books in his personal library and then pulled one out. "I suppose this should be able to help you."

James looked over at the cover. _Advanced Charms for the More Advanced Wizard_.

"It's surprising what you can find and do when you uncomplicated things, James. Things are never quite as complicated as you assume they would be, and more than likely the things it is you're searching for are closer than you want to look."

James just looked at him, not exactly sure what he meant. "Alright, sir. Thank you again. I'll be sure to return this to you."

"No need. Some books are better shared than kept to yourself."

Now James was more confused than ever. Was that supposed to mean something? "Yeah….sure."

As he left Dumbledore looked sadly at the staircase. "They have no idea what is in their future."

_Mid April, 1977_

The map was almost finished. The boys just wanted to put their own personal touches.

"Alright, so I propose we have the map say awful rubbish things to people who try to use it without authority." Sirius said, grinning.

Remus rolled his eyes and James laughed. "Yeah! Let's do it."

"I am not having my name next to anything you guys say." Remus chimed in.

"We don't have to use names at all." Peter said, including himself in the conversation.

Sirius grinned and looked at James who grinned back. They both then looked at Remus. "You're both nutters. And if you think I want to be included with someone called Shaggy, then you can forget that to."

Peter looked slightly confused, but the other two laughed. "You mean you don't want to include our dear friend, Shaggy Black in this endeavor." James asked, looking hurt. Sirius was next to him pretending to pout and wipe away tears that weren't there.

"No." Remus said simply. "I'm just saying that Shaggy is not the right name for our dear friend here. After many days, hours, possibly even weeks I have been thinking of a better name."

Sirius perked up. "I'm listening."

"Padfoot."

"Padfoot?" James asked.

"Padfoot." Sirius stated, nodding. "I like it. I think it suits me very well." He grinned. "I am the sneaky one out of the bunch."

"Hey. Sneaking is my job." Peter grumbled.

"As it always will be." James agreed. "Our friend _Padfoot_ is just a tad bit crazy. Let him live in the delusion."

"And live in it I will." Sirius grinned again.

"So, here we are. The Mauraders. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs."

He's said it in the order they were sitting, but it had a nice ring to it. "You're on to something, mate." Remus said and then opened the map, writing it on the top. "Now to add our own bit of magic." And they continued charming the map to only be what they wanted it to be, when they wanted it to be it. And, of course, to say horrible rubbish at any person who didn't have the right purpose. The purpose, of course, of complete mischief.

_Early May, 1977_

James sat in the common room looking over at Lily. He'd stayed up pretending to study for the purpose of knowing that she wouldn't be able to go up to her dorm room and would be stuck studying down here. It was the only way he had known he'd be able to talk to her. They hadn't talked in weeks, minus the cold hello, and it was driving him crazy. He'd also tried trying to get Remus to talk to him about it, but he wouldn't. Just glared and said something like 'I'm not getting involved in that. You want it, you fix it.' But he wasn't sure how.

Lily was sitting in the farthest seat away from James Potter. This was so distracting. How was she supposed to get any work down with the dofus sitting over there smugly on the couch, looking over occasionally and smiling ridiculously? Was that supposed to be attractive? Despite herself her stomach flipped every once in a while. She hated that. Traitor. She had to realize that James wasn't the person she'd thought. He'd turned into some big headed, egotistical…goat that had grown to love the power he seemed to realize he had over people and used it to his best advantage. She wished she hadn't noticed some of the changes, girls flocking to him, him messing up his hair, pranking people just to get girls to fawn over him even more than they already were. It was disgusting. But she couldn't help it. She kept hoping that maybe, just maybe, he'd be the same. The person that she'd thought she knew.

She felt rather than saw him move towards her and tried to look engrossed in her book, even though she wasn't quite sure what she'd been reading.

"Need so help, Evans. I noticed that this page seemed to get you a little confused." He squatted down so that he was eye level with her.

Lily looked up and looked into his hazel eyes. She had to blink for a moment to remember that she was mad at him, and why she was mad at him. "Nope. I'm good. Don't need help." She looked back to her book and then muttered, "Especially not from you."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

She sighed and leaned back into her seat, her eyes closed. "I don't want to do this Potter. Not now. I'm tired."

This was not the response James was looking for. He'd been looking for a fight, had wanted a fight. Needed a fight even. But she looked so defeated. This was not the Lily he knew. She did look tired, like she hadn't slept for weeks. This studying thing was going way too far.

"Come with me." He said suddenly and stood up.

She cracked her eyes open and looked at him like he was crazy. "Excuse me?"

"Come on. You need a break. You know you do. If you wear yourself down too much you'll be useless when it's time to actually take the tests."

"I don't want to go anywhere with you." Only she did. He had that look in his eye that made her remember the way things used to be. The way she wanted things to be again. Could this be her chance? Could she risk getting hurt more? Or was she just crazy for even thinking any of this.

"Lil, please. For you." He grinned and stood up straight. "I promise I will behave myself."

She grinned despite herself and her stomach tightened. "Promise on what?"

James saw the almost smile and grinned even wider. This could work. This could be the start to everything we wanted. Only, he wasn't sure what that was. "Promise on everything I hold dear."

"Meaning something of Sirius'?"

He laughed and she grinned up at him. "You know me too well."

Lily stood up. "I am putting myself in your hands, James Potter. And if you do not behave as a prefect I will have to punish you severely."

"I'll make sure not to let any of the other prefects catch us."

He grabbed her hand and started to drag her out of the common room. "I can't believe we're doing this."

James looked over at her and smiled. "Me either."

"Where are we going?"

"You always did ask too many questions."

Lily stopped and tried not to laugh. "People like to know where they're going."

"Some people should learn to like surprises."

"Bah. Overrated, I say."

He just laughed. This was perfect. Why couldn't he talk to other girls this way? Why couldn't other girls talk to him this way?

Because they weren't Lily.

He stopped in his tracks and looked over at her. She looked tired and her hair was a mess. She was wearing a pair of old pajama's he'd seen her in hundreds of times and a ratty robe that was fraying at the end of the sleeves. But she'd never looked more beautiful. Her eyes were shinning and she was smiling at him. Something she hadn't done for over a year now.

As she turned back to look at him her head tilted to its side and she looked up, smiling but looking confused. "You look like someone just took a bludger bat to the side of your head and you liked it."

"I'm sorry."

She stepped back and looked like she'd just realized where she was and who she was with. "Oh Merlin."

"What?"

"I can't do this. I can't be here."

"What, in the hall? I know it's passed curfew but—"

"No. I can't be here. With you. Ever." She ran her hand through her hair, and looked down. She looked like crud. What was she doing going any with James. Things weren't what they used to be, they wouldn't be again. It didn't matter that he was apologizing. She couldn't trust him. Couldn't trust herself with him, obviously.

"Lily, come on." James said a slight bite to his words. "I said I'm sorry and I mean it. I want things to be good again."

"I can't do that."

"Why the hell not?" Now he was really angry. "I'm doing what I can. I said I'm sorry. What more do you want from me?"

"I told you. I want you to stay the hell away from me."

He laughed bitterly. "No you don't. Otherwise you wouldn't be here with me."

She shook her head, even though part of her knew he was right. "You don't know what you're talking about."

Walking towards her he cornered her with her back against the wall. "Don't I? I know you, Evans. No matter how much you want to ignore what ever happened between us, I know you."

"You don't know anything about me, Potter."

"Yeah? You don't feel like you fit in anywhere and are constantly trying to prove to yourself and your family that this is the right thing for you, even though you know that you don't have to. You want past relationships to be the same, even though you don't make the effort to try to work them out. You and Petunia, you and me, it's the same thing. You wish things could be the way they where, but you won't take into account anyone's mistakes, especially your own, because you have to be so damn perfect all the time. Merlin forbid, you actually admit that you messed up somewhere."

"That's enough." Lily pushed him away from her. "You think you're so damn smart. You don't get anything though. You don't get that you could possibly be the problem." She was trying to keep tears back. She wasn't going to give him that satisfaction. "You're too stubborn to let someone have the final say. You won't just back off when something is over."

"This isn't over, Lily." His tone was quiet and he brushed the hair away from her face.

"It has to be over." She bit her lip and looked up at him. "We're not the same people we used to be."

"But we can be just as good, if not better than we used to be." He looked into her eyes, earnestly. "Come on, can't we try. For us?"

"I can't. I just can't." A small tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. "Please don't make this harder than it has to be."

He moved closer and wiped the tear away gently. "I'm not good at giving up when I want something."

"You don't want me, James. You just don't want to know you failed at something."

"You're wrong." He leaned down and kissed her cheek where he'd wiped the tear away. She stiffened slightly and he smoothed her hair. "I want a lot of things I didn't want before."

She looked up at him, not sure of what to say or if there was anything to say, but she didn't move. He looked at her and smiled and moved towards her cautiously. Slowly he placed his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. Then he brushed his lips over hers. Lily stiffened a little more but he brought his lips back and didn't relieve the pressure, starting slowly but then she responded, kissing him back and bringing her arm behind his back up to his shoulder, the other resting on his chest. He went to deepen the kiss but she pushed him away.

"I can't. I'm sorry, but I just can't."

She couldn't face him either and ran back down the hall toward the common room.

James just looked over at her and then kicked the wall. This was not what he had planned on, at all.


End file.
